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Sometimes the snow comes down in June Sometimes the sun goes round the moon I see the passion in your eyes Sometimes it's all a big surprise
Life was never normal for me. Never what others would consider the usual sort of thing. Instead of a loving family, I had to grow up knowing my mother wanted nothing to do with either me or my brother. Grow up knowing that my father preferred spending time on the green with his fellow executives than with helping his two sons with the science projects. Even in the military, things couldn't be normal. I took to it like a fish takes to water, but did it give me what I wanted. Not really. Sure, I became the perfect soldier, following orders no matter what, but at what cost. I had friends, but none that I would term as close. They were simply my men. Men that would follow me no matter what, even when it meant that some of them might not be coming back. And I've been betrayed too many times to fully trust anyone in my life. My mother left me. My father pitted my brother and I against each other. My commander betrayed me and my men and caused their deaths. Even Carolyn left me because she decided that she needed more than whatever I could give her, which was everything I had at the time. But then there's you.
I knew the minute you handed me your card in that hospital that I would go see you. And yes, before you ask, I knew it was you. Don't ask me how, I still can't explain it. But there was something about you that just made me want to trust you and that scared me. Fear based responses, yup that covers it. Why do you think I shoved you up against that wall. I was afraid of letting someone get that close to me again. Close enough to hurt me, but there was something in your eyes when you were telling me about Sentinels and explaining my senses that made me want to let you in and that scared the living hell out of me. There was such excitement and enthusiam in your eyes that it made me want to jump in head first, before I even had a chance to think about it. Even now, after everything you've seen and been through since joining up with me, you have this youthful innocence that just calls to me. You became my best friend.
Cause there was a time when all I did was wish You'd tell me this was love It's not the way I hoped or how I planned But somehow it's enough
I remember the fear I had of your finally leaving, finally joining the ever present list of people who left me when you were offered that trip to Borneo. I knew how much you wanted to go and was actually surprised that you didn't just jump at the oppurtunity. Then we had to go to Peru and help Simon and Darryl and I was even more convinced that you would accept Borneo just to stay safe. But you surprised me once again, turning down your mentor, Eli Stoddard. You said you did it because of friendship and I had never had anyone be that selfless in regards to me and I had to control my impulse to take you into my arms and kiss you to within an inch of your life. I mean, sure you're saying it was friendship wasn't the same as saying you loved me, but damn, at least now you were staying with me.
Now, two years later, I wonder if its still about friendship. I mean, you've proven yourself to me time and tiem again and yet I still treat you like shit at times. I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I was for that whole thing with Alex. I don't know why I acted the way I did. Wait, let me amend that, I do know why. Just the thought of you finding another Sentinel scared the hell out of me. All I could think about was you helping her and maybe, just maybe, leaving me behind. All my old insecurities were coming to the front of my mind and all I could do was push you away. And then when I had that dream, the one where I killed you, combined with my senses going haywire, I was frightened. As much as I couldn't let you go, I was convinced that I had to. In order to protect you from me. And in the end, that caused your death. I can still remember in vivid detail seeing your body in the fountain. Hearing the paramedics give the call and yet I refused to give up. I couldn't. You're my life and I would be damned if I would let you go without one hell of a fight and it was worth it. You did come back and, even after everything that went down in Sierra Verde, you moved back into the loft and we began our lives again. And I promised myself that I would do whatever it took to keep you safe and in my life.
But now we're standing face-to-face Isn't this world a crazy place Just when I thought our chance had passed You go and save the best for last
I stand here, leaning against the counter that seperates the living room from the kitchen, watching as you make some chicken stir fry for dinner. Its like any other similar night that we've spent together for the past four years, but for some reason, there's something different in the air. I can't name it though, although I would love to say that the way that you've set up the apartment to look, its almost like a seduction scene, but that could just be my own wishful thinking. I know that you have never been with a guy before. Trust me when I say that I would have been able to smell them on you. That's not to say that you haven't had your offers, I know you have. Hell, there have been times when I've wanted to track down some poor bastard and beat the living crap out of him just for having the nerve to even think of you like that, let alone actually asking you out. But then you would politely turn them down saying that you didn't swing that way but that you were flattered and I would settle down and once again reinforce the knowledge that, despite what I was feeling, nothing could ever be done about it. But lately, things have been changing. There's been a look in your eyes when you watch me that I've never noticed before. A tenderness that I've longed to see, along with something else. Want. Its there tonight as you watch me drink my beer and I can feel my body reacting to it, grateful that the counter is between us. Could it be that you're finally ready to return my feelings for you or am I only imagining things.
All of the nights you came to me When some silly girl had set you free You wondered how you'd make it through I wondered what was wrong with you
I know how much you want to love. Want to be loved. I can still recall the way you felt when Maya left after that debacle with her father. You have no idea how sorry I was that I had gotten you involved with that. If I hadn't asked you to get to know her so that we could get information on her father, then maybe you wouldn't have spent the week after she left holed up in your room, away from the world. Away from me. I wasn't sure if you would ever get over her, but then you went back to be that Blair Sandburg that everyone expected you to be. Going through women like water and trying to convince everyone that you were okay, but I knew better. I knew this was how you reacted to your heart being broken.
It was the same way with Sam. I still don't understand why you kept letting her walk all over you. No matter what you did, it wasn't good enough for you. She constantly belittled you and you kept going back for more. Don't think I forgot that time she decided to try and light your face on fire because you stood her up. I mean, damn, that was just wrong. It took all I had not to shoot her right there for even thinking of hurting you. And yet, you said it was just a sign of how much she still wanted you. And let's not even get started on that whole birthday thing of hers. I'm just glad that you finally got tired of her games and sent her packing. But I have to tell you, it wasn't easy watching you go through all of that heartbreak without taking you into my arms and giving you the comfort that I so desperately wanted to give you.
Cause how could you give your love to someone else And share your dreams with me Sometimes the very thing you're looking for Is the one thing you can't see
I always wondered how serious you were about the women in your life. I mean, don't get me wrong, I know you cared about them, in fact loved some of them, but there was always something holding you back. You never shared all of yourself with them. You did that with me. No matter what was going on in your life, you always were willing to drop everything to help me out, whether it be on a case or my senses, or even just something that was happening in my personal life. You let me into your life. You told me how you were feeling. You let me see your fears, even when you would have rathered hid them from view. And I knew your dreams. You desire to travel the world was obvious, but I was the one who you told about wanting to find someone to love. Someone who cared about you and accepted you for who you are. You even told me about the person that you wanted, describing them in perfect detail and all I could think of is, you're looking for someone that is already here.
You said you wanted someone who you could depend on. Someone the you could trust. Okay, so the first two aren't perfect yet, but I'm working on it. You want someone who you could go to ball games with. Someone who you could go to a bar with when you want to have a drink, or just stay home and relax in front of the tv when you just want a break. Someone who can anticipate your needs and you could do the same for. We already have all that. Its part of what makes us partners. I just wished that you would be able to see it for what it is. Love.
But now we're standing face-to-face Isn't this world a crazy place Just when I thought our chance had passed You go and save the best for last
You turn the heat off under the stir fry, facing me once more with that look in your eyes. I can hear your heart speed up, my own unconsciousy matching yours. I clutch at the bottle in my hand, willing myself away from the thoughts that are going through my head. I've wanted you to look at me that way for so long, but you never have and I'm afraid to let myself hope. Afraid to let myself trust that the feelings I have are finally being reciprocated. Neither of us say anything. We just stand there, looking at each other. This is one of those times when I'm grateful for our closeness. This ability to communicate without actual words. I think its one of the things that surprises everyone we know. You're always going on and on about something or other and I'm the one that never says anything, but between the two of us we've found a harmonious in between that allows us to say everything and yet nothing at all. Its in every touch. Every look. And now that look is saying something that I never thought I would be able to hear.
Sometimes the very thing you're looking for Is the one thing you can't see
"Jim..I think we need to talk." "About what?" "Well, I think there's been something going on between us for a long time and I think its time to discuss it." "Discuss what exactly, Chief?" "About how we feel about each other." "And how's that?" You came over to stand in front of me, my legs parting as you made your way between them. I automatically wrapped my arms around your waist, drawing you closer to me as you put your arms around my neck.
"Like this." I sighed as you pulled my head down until our lips touched in a soft kiss that promised so much more. My arms wrapped even tighter around you as I felt our erections grind against each other. It was everyhing that I had ever dreamed of and more. Having you in my arms was my dream made reality. "I love you Jim." "God, I love you too Blair," I moaned. "I have for so long. I just never thought.," You silenced me with another kiss.
"I know and I'm sorry. Forgive me for being such a wimp. I was just so afraid of my feelings for you." "Why?" "Because they were so intense and I never thought that it would be possible for you to feel the same way about me. But I realized that everything that we've been through. Everything that's happened has been leading up to this and I decided that I wanted to go for it." "You wanted the brass ring." You chuckled.
"Yeah, the brass ring. The holy grail and everything else that comes with it." Then we stopped talking with words and let our bodies speak for us again. And I've never been happier.
Sometimes the snow comes down in June Sometimes the sun goes round the moon Just when I thought our chance had passed You go and save the best for last You went and saved the best for last, yeah.
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