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The Sentinel

"Promises" , parts 21-40
by Blue Sky

Jim's hand came down two more times in stinging swats. Blair was just at the point of crying out, protesting, begging for forgiveness, any thing that Jim wanted, just to have him stop.

But Jim was a sentinel. He had to know Blair's limits. He stopped, Breathing heavy, hand now gently resting on the red cheek beneath his hand, stroking back his guides hair, kissing the back of his neck. The unexpected genteelness of the gesture is what finally undid Blair. The sob that he had held back escaped, the whimper that lurked in his throat given voice. He crumbled as Jim gathered him into his arms once more, folding him unhesitant into a calming embrace, cradling him, rocking his Guide gently, soft kisses over his face, humming low and melodically.

"You needed that." Jim's calm statement was like a dash of water on a sleeper. "I did not want to, do that, but that is the way that men love. I am trying to give you what you need." Jim kissed him, claiming, but gentler. "I know you act this way, to get me to do this." Jim stroked his stunned partner. " I should have done this years ago, when you did not stay in the truck, when you endangered your life, when you did stupid things. But that is going to change now. I am going to make you good. I am going to keep you safe." The calm way the words were said, the arms so comforting and sweet around him, was like a surrealistic night mare. It had to be some sort of dream. This could not be Jim. Jim would never hurt him. He was his Guide.

A voice whispered in his ear, the one that had been nagging him for so long. But he has hurt you. He has. He kicked you out. He got you Killed. He used you. He discarded you.

No. Blair pushed the voice to the back of his head and slammed a door on the thoughts. The reality of Jim's arms around him, the buzz of comforting words, the heat of the embrace. This had to be just some Fear based reaction. Jim had not processed the events at the station, the sacrifice that He had made, the fact that Jim, strait man extreme, Macho in a way that few could comprehend, this just had to be his way of trying to deal.

Blair turned his head into the chest, pressed hard against him. Jim was real. The arms were real. Jim's love for him was real. The voice was not. The only times that Jim had ever comforted him, held him, loved him, was when he had been in pain. Lash. The Golden. Maya. Even when he had hugged him, in front of the Bull pen, that had been comfort. He had thought that this was a last look around. Oh God.

History was repeating its self. What if Jim could only love him, touch him if he was hurting? If the Instinet to comfort to hold was only evoked when he was weak, or in pain? A counter point to balance grief? A sentinel/Guide thing to bring on bonding. Dam. He could see it. A normal person would have left. The fact that crumbs of need were feed, dolled out at just the right time, never fully feeding, never being enough, making the Guide more and more dependent. Oh god. Talk about your Codependency. The fact that it had been happening for a long time, did not escapee him. It was just the catalyses of the Dissertation, Jim Being shot, all of the changers at once. But the most telling one.

Blair was no longer at his side 24/7. The Irony of the Fact that he was going to the Academy, was that he had less time for Jim. His Ride along had been sort of put in a limbo, and it was just of late that he could rejoin him, as he healing leg let him get back out on cases.

But that was not all of it. That first time. It was before the Shoot out. Before he had declared himself a fraud.

All of these thought took place in a few seconds, and were also wiped away by Jim's warm mouth on Blair's, By the feel of Jim's hand on his cock, of the hard and needy erection grinding up at him, the sensory overload of hands all over him, as he was helpless pressed down to the bed, and covered by his sentinel, Grinding need on need, attacking the his helpless partner with his mouth, hands, making siege on his over inflamed body, working his hands on his hips, bringing them up, lifting his legs over his shoulders, parting the cheeks of his ass, stroking, moving between ... holding him in preparation. In a dim distant moment of self-preservation, Blair was aware that he had not been prepared, that no lubrication had been used, that Jim had never done this before, and that in the state that he was in, was not thinking about that. Dam. This was his fault. He had invited this, and now he was going to pay the price. He looked at the hot blue eyes, unfocused, and looking at something other than him.

Oh God.

*****

"Jim! Jim! " This had to be the same as a zone, he did not respond. "Ellison!" Then in his best Guides voice. " Dial it back man, take it easy. Please Jim. I know it can be good. Let it be good. Don't hurt me." That got through to him. Jim blinked, eyes fixing on Blair, confusing then anger, as he pulled away. Letting Blair's legs slide away and down, releasing his Guide from the passion driven embrace.

He was going to leave. Jim turned, hiding his face from Blair's, hands clenched at his sides, looking like he would be happy to use them on something, any thing. He bent to pull up his boxers. Blair was unsure what to do at this point. Despite the situation, he still wanted to complete what was going to happen, just well..

"Jim. Come back here. We are So not done." Blair was cajoling, putting forth an arm, sitting up, wincing at the pain in his but. Man. He was going to have to have some talk with Jim about his seduction skills. He was like a switch, either on full blast, a runaway train, or cold, and not available.

"You do not understand Chief." He turned to him, Pain and self loathing printed on his face.. " I almost hurt you. You do not know how close that I came."

No shit. Blair was quite aware of how close he came. Still wanted to. Still needed to. But under better circumstances. Ones that involved preparation, and KY, and Condoms. " Its, OK Big Guy. Any one can get carried away. You pulled back. That is the important thing." Blair went to his Sentinel, and wrapped his arms around him from behind. Jim relaxed arching backwards into that embrace for a moment, melting into the heat of the touch.

Then Blair's still erect cock brushed agents his ass. Jim froze, Then pulled away. He turned, sadness etched in his face. He took Blair's face in his hands, and kissed him on the lips. Regret, longing, and departure. It was sort of a good buy kiss. It scared Blair as nothing else this evening had. "I am so sorry. I wish that this could have worked out."

"What are you saying? You want me to leave? " Blair strove to hold his panic in place.

"No! This is your home. I can't wont do that to you. Never again."

"Then we can try Again." Blair swallowed. "This is not over. We have come too far. I love you. I need you man."

"I know. But you should know something." Jim took a deep breath. and released it. "Each time I have been with you. I have seen you as you, but as a woman." Jim ran his fingers through the long mass of curls. "Sometimes it is not much of a stretch." A crooked smile crossed his face. " Owe you so much. You have been so much. I want to be what you need. I just am not sure that I am ..."

"I know, take that trip with me." Blair sighed, and for a moment the two clung to one another like a life line. Standing holding, not sure how long, till Jim realized that Blair was shivering.

"Go to bed. Your cold." Jim pushed his guide half hearted away towards the bed.

"Not alone. No one needs to sleep alone tonight." He tugged Jim towards the bed. Jim was doing his best impression of a brick wall.

"Not a good idea Chief."

"Please." He gave Jim his best puppy dog eyes.

"I am going to regret this."

Snuggled together, Clutching one anther, trying to find healing in the middle of pain.

"Jim? Remember a long time ago, just before I got my ride along observer status? Do you remember what I said?"

A non verbal quaere a "Hum?"

"I said that I would be willing to do any thing to make this partnership work out. Even that I would put on a dress like J. E. Hover. "

It was the first laugh that Blair could remember in a long time that came from the heart. He joined his sentinel, and they laughed till they cried.

Release can come in many forms. And love.

*****



Talk about your emotional landmines. Blair was rapidly finding that being Jim's lover, or what ever the hell this relationship had mutated into was not a swift or easy path. Sleep did not come easily to either of the men, but the need to hold to touch, to at the same time avoid was over powering. Unresolved sexual tensions and confused emotions were a poor pillow to lay ones head.

The two fell into an uneasy sleep. Exhaustion taking its toll,

Perhaps it was the Sentinel Guide bond, or perhaps it was the fact that when some one in your arms has a nightmare you some how become a part of it.

"No! Dad! You're hurting her!" Jim's voice was high pitched, and child like, a heart breaking waver, to a wail that shook hid Guide awake.

"What's wrong Jim?" Blair used his guide voice, soft soothing, trying to find the source of his lover's nightmare

"He's hurting Mommy!" A sob broke from the semi sleeping man.

"Tell me what is happening. How is he hurting her?"

"She is telling him no. And he is making her. Pushing her down. Holding her legs up. She is crying." Shuddering breath. "I can hear them. I can hear him. I go to the door, and bang on it with my fist. Dad comes out, and tells me to go back to bed. I see my mom's face, the blankets pulled up. Crying. She tells me to go back to bed. That it is ok."

"Just focus, Breath Jim." Blair petted his sentinel like a cherished pet, calming strokes on his back. "I got you. It's going to be OK. What happened next?"

"Dad takes me back to my room, and tells me to stay." Jim made a pushing away movement, at some shadow that he could not see. "I hear them, and he is telling her that he wants a another son, more children. That it is his right to do this. I hear her say that she does not want more children. That she did not want me. He makes her any way." Pain is deep in his sentinel's face, as he twists under the firebrand of that memory/nightmare.

"It's OK Jim. That was then, and this is now, and He can't hurt you or your mom. I am here. I will not leave you."

Blair held the shaking man, till he slipped back into an uneasy sleep. Man. This was so screwed up. He knew that the old man was a cold bastard, but wow. No wonder Jim's mom cut and ran. Forced into sex, parent hood. And Jim had been the by-product of this unhappy union. No wonder that Jim had such issues with love and sex and intimacy. Sometimes he felt lucky that he did not know his dad.

Blair resolved two things. Tomorrow he was going to call Carol. She might have some clue about what had gone on in Jim's life, with his mom missing in action.

And to kick Jim's dad in the balls.

Morning was much like usual. Blair woke in his own bed, alone. Only the sent of Jim and the tenderness of his spanked bottom gave any evidence that he had been with Jim last night. Jim was in the shower, and coffee was making it's self in the kitchen. No pancakes this morning. That was sort of a mixed relief. Jim was out of the shower, no doubt hearing him wake up, and cutting his short.

"Morning" Blair tried to slide past his dripping roommate. Rooms mate or mate?

Jim grunted a greeting at him. So close to back to normal. Like the last few days had never happened. Blair jumped in the shower, doing his hair quick time, rushing so that he did not hold Jim back. By the time that he got out, Jim was making eggs and toast. The blender however was out, and the can of shake was next to it. In some ways it was more touching than him making pancakes yesterday for him. Blair knew how little Jim liked the smell of the shake, even though he had gotten used to it over the years.

Breakfast was as normal as it ever was, and the ride to the station filled with talk of the Jags game. Just before Blair got out of the truck, Jim grasped Blair's leg and gave it a gentle squeeze. "See you tonight? "

"Ya Man. Tonight I am all yours."

"Good. I'll get some tapes. Any requests? "

"Surprise me. "

"I just might Chief."

****************

Blair pulled out his phone card, and dialed the number that he never thought that he would call. "Carol? Hi. This is Blair Sandburg. How are you doing?" "Blair? I am well. This is unexpected. Is Jim, OK?" Worry tinged her voice. An echo of concern about a love that was lost but not forgotten. "Simon told me what happened. Jim getting shot. I saw what happened with your Thesis on TV. I am so sorry." "Old History. Jim is healing. I just need some help. Some information, If you would not mind." He had not thought this out this far, counting on his powers of charm to get him past this point. "Jim has been having some... Relationship issuers. And nightmares. Think that the whole media fuck up and the shoot out at the station has something to do with it."

"How long have you been sleeping with Jim Blair?" He voice was gentle, concerned, forgiven and understanding. "The Sentinel thing, It is true. Isn't?

"Carol, Please. You have got to help me." Blair slid down the wall, still clutching the pay phone hand piece. "I am like so screwed. I don't know what to do. One minute he is Normal Jim, the Next he is the control freak from hell, wanting to know were I was and were I will be. And as far as sleeping with him... Well, I am not sure if that is what you can call it. I don't know what the hell to do. One minute he is all sweet and nice, the next. " He debated and at last decided to let her in on the dreadful parts, " He is acting like some old school teacher, heavy on the corporal punishment. The EVIL STEP FATHER, that wants... Hell, he doesn't know what he wants. And it is all my fault. Least that is what He is telling me." Sarcasm and despair found it's way into his voice. He had not meant to crack. Had not meant to give away how desperate and alone and in pain he was. He was just going to get some info. Try and get a handle on what was wrong with his Sentinel. Fix him like he has so many times before.

"It's like I don't even know who he is any more." Blair wiped at his face. He was not crying. He was not going to cry.

"Blair. It's OK. I understand. When He first came back from Peru, he was so .. like a little kid. Sort of a lost distant kid. He was hurting so bad. I thought that if I just loved him enough, understood him enough, was there for him enough, that it would get better. But he never let me get inside. He was raw and hurting, and he never let me heal him. Perhaps I never could have, but I never got that chance. You want to know why I left Cascade?"

"I thought that it was you got a better job.."

"I still love Jim. But I could see you getting to him. Working in the cracks, making him the man that I always wanted him to be, Caring human. For a bit I though that we even had a chance."

"But abusers seldom change. Especially if they are in denial about being abusers. I had to get out. It was the kindest thing for both of us. Did you know that I had a gambling problem?"

"No, Wow." Blair was taken aback. He knew that she was one to make or take a bet on most any thing. He was not aware of it being a problem.

"I do, or did. One weekend I ran over 5,000 at the track. When Jim found out, He did not scream. He spanked me. Got all cold and distant. Told me that it was for my own good, that He had to make me good. It was like he was this different person. He just... Spaced out."

"Zoned. Yes,. Oh God. What am I going to do?"

"I am not telling you what to do. I had to leave. If I had not I would have killed him with his service revolver. I was that close to it."

"I can't. I am his Guide." He whispered this almost to him self. "I promised that I would never leave him."

"You love him more than I did. But If you truly love him, you will leave before it comes to you or him." He voice was gentle, firm. The voice of experience." And it was more than that. He never was a lover. He never could open up. Sex was good, sometimes great. But I could have gotten more out of any house hold appliance than him, as far as warmth, and feeling loved. He could be a cold fish. The only real kiss I ever got from him was after we were divorced. We were much better friend.You should move out. It could do wonders for your relationship."

"What do you know about Jim's Mom?" Blair came back to the reason for his calling. He was grasping at straws.

"Not much. We never talked to his dad, he never brought up wanting to find or see her. I do not know if she is alive. But she must have been some kind of bitch to just abandon her kids like that.'

"I think that she was being abused by Jim's dad."

"Oh!" There was a large pause. "OK. This explains a lot. Is Jim abusing you? I mean more than he was before?"

"He was so not abusing me before!"

"AH. SO he is abusing you now."

"He is just confused. I'm, I'm not a woman. He is having a problem about that. He loves me. I love him. We just have problems we have to work out."

"Blair, has it missed your attention that I was a woman? That I loved him? That I wanted to get counseling, and he just was not interested in it? I could not save him. The only thing that I could do was save my self."

"There Has GOT to be something that I can do. He saved my life. I would be dead without him. You don't understand. We have this bond. He is a Sentinel. I am his Guide."

"The Thesis was real?" A soft sigh filled Blair's ear. "Poor Jim. Poor Blair. You really are in hell. Blair, even if you can't Get Jim to go, you go. Get some help. Or stop sleeping with him. That might work."

"Ya, right." Blair slumped on the floor.

"I have to go. I hope that things work out for the best. I want Jim to be happy. I am Happy. I found someone to love, who loves me. I can only hope the same for the two of you."

"Thanks Carol."

"Good luck. You are going to need it. Oh and I know that you are not going to leave him. At least not yet."

The phone clicked, and Blair found himself holding on still when the dial tone broke into his despair

***************

Blair sat on the floor next to the pay phone, trying to regroup. Shaken by the revelations that Carol had dumped on him. Man. He was Screwed. She was right. About all of it. Including the fact that he was So not going to leave Jim. At least not yet. If this had been any other person, or situation, he would have been gone long time ago. But he had promised he would stay. Hell. He had come back from death for him. They owed each other there lives more times than he could remember or think of. He just could not leave. Not without a fight, a chance that he could make things right.

Think! That is what your good at. WHY was Jim acting the way he was? Fear based response. That Had to be the answer. If he could quell the fear, remove it from the equation, perhaps he could make this right. Now what was Jim afraid of?

Intimacy. Loss. Loss of control. Loss of his Guide. Loss of his Room mate. Loss of his Masculinity.

That Blair was A guy. Well, tough one on that Mister Sentinel. Am not about to get a sex change for you or any one. I like my dick. Been my best friend most of my life, even if he some times got me into trouble. Blair could not stay down too long. He smiled at him self. Planing, Doing what he had been doing for the last 4 years. Figuring out his Sentinel. Carol had suggested Counseling. That might be a good place to start. Right. Jim had gone to the Psych evals after Lash like a man given a death sentience. He had rehearsed his answers. Made sure that he had the text book responses. In truth if his feeling could be summed up it would be. "When in Doubt, Empty the Clip."

He smiled. The man that saved his life. Jim had ignored or made jokes at the near passes that had been made at that time. Sigh. So now, when the bound of the Theses and his school work to tie him to Jim, why could he just not count on the Sentinel/Guide one?

"If you are waiting on a call back, I just have to let you know that the phone will not take incoming calls." A voice shook him out of his reverie. Blair looked up, one of his class mates, a rookie named Jade offered her hand to him. "Your about to be late for class."

"Man. Thanks." He dusted his pants off, and smiled his thanks." I just had to think some things out."

She gave him a deep searching look, and then broke into a grin. " I am not sure that we are aloud to think, at least till after graduation. If they want our opinion, they will give it to you." Her smile was sweet, and she was a little closer to his age then most of the persons in this class. He watched her trim behind, that not even the uniform could not hide. He had not looked at a woman in so long, and she smelled so nice.

Bad Blair. Bad Blair. You do not need to add to the confusion that is your so called love life at this moment. But it was nice to look, to smell, smile and remember. And wash his hand off really well. If Jim got a sniff of fem. on him at this point, it could set him off.

And he truly did not need that at this point in time.

******************

Jim POV

Commitment. I have never been one to do things by half. I learned that the hard way with Carolyn. She deserved so much more. I just wish that I could have given that then. I was so cold. And she was so demanding. The more that she wanted the more that I had to pull away. I did change for her. I left vice, back when we were still dating. She had goals in life. She thought that I could climb that social ladder with her. My face on the cover of time. The awards. I was the man of her fantasy. Too bad that her fantasy could not come true. I have learned a lot since then. I have learned how to love. Because of Blair. I love Blair. Have always loved Blair. I just did not know that I loved him that way. Now it is up to me to unbend. Let go of the poison that my dad poured into my ears about fags and men and all. I know that he was trying to protect me, he was never around, and did not want me to trust strange men, at least that is what he told me. what ever the reason, I have to let go of things. Sally, she was more mom to me than any one. She told me once that I have a secret self. That secret self is all that I have to answer to.

Blair is part of my secret self.

We could together beat any thing. Even death. What is a little thing like going to bed with your best friend compared to that? If this is what he needed, It is the least that I can do. I know that I love him. I can do this. We can do this.

Shopping has been done. I got all the things that I know that he likes, even the weird stuff. Sat is the Jags game, and I have Fri off. This is going to be a weekend just about us. Doing what ever he wants to do. I owe it to him, and more. I have been such a shit. I was about to buy him some roses, but stopped myself. That was what I had to buy for Carolyn each time I failed her. Each guilt trip was paved with petals. Forgiveness withheld till I had the box in hand.

I could do better with Blair.

I would talk. He would talk. I would listen. I would make this work.

**************

The loft was empty when Blair got home. A note on the table.

Blair

I just ran over to the video store. Going to get enough for the weekend, If you have any suggestions, call me on the cell. Just figured that I would grab something from each section, use up the free rental coupons that have been laying around.

Hope to be back soon

J

Hardly a love note, but for Jim this was the height of passion. Blair grinned to himself, as he stuffed his uniform into the laundry hamper, and ducked into the shower. A weekend of videos. Just like the old days. If the weather was nicer, camping would have been nice, but this spring was proving to be wetter than normal. Ha. Cascade was wet. No mater When.

He came out of the shower, drying hair, slipping into comfy sweats, snagging Jim's Cascade sweat shirt. Hell He could now wear this with some degree of honor. He was a cop now. Or a cop to be. The taste was still strange in his mouth. COP. Oh well. At lest he had got away without cutting his hair.

Blair sat back on the couch tea in hand. Remembering.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A long last look around. The Bull pen was still being put back in place he was just saying good by. It had been home to him for near 4 years. One more ending. He touched a door in good by. Most of the guys that he knew had seen him, had taken one look, and then scattered. No one was talking to him. Oh well. Not like he had any thing to say.

Then every one had descended on him at once. It was the first time seeing Jim.. since.. well since he had tossed him self at his sentinel feet seeking forgiveness, understanding. Since he had gone on TV and declared himself to be a fraud.

Jim had Pulled him to him, using that cane, rubbing his head in rough affection, The badge being tossed at him, His mom telling him that she was so proud of him, every one being so supportive. Telling him that he was needed. That he was going to be a cop. Have a Badge, wear a gun. Funny. The first that he had been on a case with Jim, after Jim had declared him his partner, he had asked if he could have a badge. It had been a lark, sort of a secret decoder to the hidden world, a mark of acceptance. God knows that he deserved it.

Question, did he really want it? Or was he just doing the next thing? Spinning his wheels till he got his second wind?

It was all so complicated. Between Jim being hurt, taking care of him, and being shoved into the Academy that next Monday, Thinking time had been at a premium. This weekend was just to relax. Spend time with Jim. bond. Talk. Have fun. Just like the old days.

Right. At some point sexually was going to raise it ugly head, no pun intended. At this point He felt that he was living with 3 people: Jim his Roommate & friend. Jim his Sentinel. Jim the confused lover. Somehow he had to interrogate the 3 into one, if he could. Compared to coming back from the dead, and saving the world, this should be a snap.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

He heard a key in the lock. For the first time in a long time the anticipation he felt was a good one. Jim was home! A wave of happiness lost but now found filled him.

"Hey Buddy!" Blair bounced over to help Jim with the burden of bags.

"Hey Blair!" His grin was infectious. This was going to be OK.

*****************

Jim and Blair fell into putting away the last few purchase. For some reason Jim felt compelled to buy pudding. The little snack pack size the kind that don't need refrigeration. When he was in school, he had all but lived on them. Jim had never bought them before. Junk food. Microwave popcorn. Beer. Sarsaparilla Coke. Wine. Blair looked at Jim. But he was oblivious, putting things away. This was the kind of wine that he had gotten once before. Jim had remembered. He grinned.

"Jimbo. Good choice in wine. Thanks for the Sarsaparilla, man, have not had that in a dogs age."

"No problem. It was on sale." The light in his eyes belied the offhand reply. Score! He had done something that had made his Guide happy. Now if the rest of the evening could go as smooth.

Dinner was relaxed, prepared in companionship and eaten with relish. Jim touched his companion with the ease of the old days, what ... less than 6 weeks ago? Dishes were done together, getting in each outliers way some times, horse play, a tug of war for the drying cloth, Just like normal.

Popcorn, Beer Videos. A couch. Blair settled on his end of the couch cross legged. Jim frowned a bit. He was hopping that this would be a more snugly event. But the night was long. He could wait. This was to be at Blair's Pace.

The stack of video was impressive. No way that they were going to be able to watch all of them this weekend.

"What one-first?" Blair asked, attempting to scan the titles.

"You can pick what ever you like. But we have to watch this one first. Police Academy!" He grinned a truly evil grin.

"Please, Jim, tell me that you didn't get all of them!"

"No, they were out. Just had the first one. You got off light. Think that you can stand this one?" Gentle teasing. Jim would let it go if Blair could not handle it.

"Bring it on! "Blair folded his hands behind his head, smiling. He would so find a way to get back at Jim later.

The movie ended, Jim and Blair in stitches more about the comments made to each other about past and current police personal, than the movie its self.

"How about another comedy? I saw some mel brooks stuff. How about space balls then Blazing saddles?"

"Cool. Have Star Wars too. And Alien."

"That works." Blair was slumped back into the couch, legs sprawled. kicked back and comfy looking.

Jim could not resist. Space balls had just started. He slowly eased himself down till his head was pillowed on Blair's leg. Absently, Blair ran his fingers through his short wiry hair, sort of like soothing a favorite pet. Jim sighed, and settled down. Sure of his welcome, comfortable in this space, soaking up the warmth of the contact, the kiss of Blair's fingers wrapped around his chest.

"So may the Swartz be with you!" Blair stretched, Dislodging Jim gently. "Need an intermission. That last brew is banging away at my bladder."

Jim smiled at his guide's retreating form, and rewound the tape, putting on Blazing Saddler next. This was so a good idea. he had not seen Blair this relaxed in.. Well, a long time.

Blair flopped back on to the couch, and Jim left the trailers to run as he hit the bathroom.

Blair had fast forward the movie to the start of the show. He smiled as Jim assumed his former position, More in his lap than on his leg now. Blair's arm was rubbing his chest absently, trailing his fingers lightly over the ripples of his stomach, soft round soothing movements. If contentment had a name, he would wished that he could give it this. Jim nuzzled his head deeper into Blairlap and kissed the inside of a sweat suited leg. The hand on his stomach pause, then resumed, perhaps a bit higher. Yes,. Higher. A finger brushed gently over one nipple, ticklish in it caress. He coughed. Reflexes. No not now. Jim grasped the errant hand, and held it over his heart.

Nothing more thank this closeness, this oneness. Time for the exploration that he knew that Blair wanted to do later.

"Momgo not like that! Mongo strait!"

Jim shifted uncomfortable. Blair chuckled. He tightened his hand in reassurance of some sort. It was OK. What ever this was they were in this together. His partners hand Idly stroked his head, and played with his hair. The sheer sensuality of it made him wish that he had the ability to grow more for him to play with, as he relaxed under the gentle touch.

******************

The two men rode off into the sunset, so to speak. Sheriff and side kick. The tong and cheek mel brooks film had made them laugh, but now somber at its ending. Jim reluctantly lifted his head off of Blair's lap, Disentangling the arm around him. It was getting late, and it had been a long week.

"Tired Kid?" Jim smiled down at the lax body of his Guide.

"Never too tired for you." Blair teased as Jim gave him a hand up off of the couch. The action was translated into Jim having an arm full of warm Blair wrapped around him. His blue eyes searched his. Looking for acceptance, for fear. For arousal.

"Do you want me?" He asked causally, after the reaction of the last time. Blair's arms were around his neck, Looking up. Puppy dog eyes. The look that Jim could never resist. The look that had got him a week of a place to stay, that had turned into 4 years.

"I want this weekend to be about what ever you want." He smiled down at his partner, love and affection pouring off of him.

"Any thing?" Mischief was rich in his eyes.

"Hum. Think I need a safe word before I make that commitment." Not quite teasing.

"I want to ... be with you. Hold you. Make love to you. I want you to trust me. Trust yourself. And yes. You get to have a safe word. I get to have a safe word. Things get too intense, we stop and we talk. Or better we keep going and we talk. The last few weeks have been the result of fear based responses. I should have seen it. Helped you. Not let you tear yourself up the way that you have. I love you. I want to share that."

Jim's eyes closed, and he clutched his lover to him, holding him tight, Blair's arms around him just as tightly. "I love you Chief. If I ever lost you I would die." Jim kissed the smaller man, fierce, and hard, hands coming up to hold his head, bending him back, pushing him down to the couch, a low growl deep in the back of his throat.

"Easy Big Guy. I am here like for the duration. We just have to work on your control. I like it a bit on the rough and tumble, but we need to start out slow, OK? OK?"

Jim was humping into Blair's body, hungering on his neck in a way that was sure to leave a love bite. Cave man sex. Oh dear.

"Safe WORD" Blair almost shrieked, as the hands tightened around the back of his head in a familiar pattern, one that he had hoped to break. Jim stopped, weather from pain at being shouted at in his ears, or at the idea of hurting his Guide.

Jim pushed himself away from his lover, trembling. Blair was shaking also. Need fear and frustration washing over both of them. Jim turned to his Guide, looking for answers that Blair was not sure that he had on tap.

"Thanks. I want to try this again under a more controlled situation...."

"I am not going to put my love life up for testing." Jim was controlled, cold.

"This is not testing. I am done with my paper, all of that. This is about finding out what we want. Every couple has to experiment. Find out what trips there triggers." He grabbed Jim's hand and pulled the Simi resiant appendage to his erection. "You trip my trigger. Now we just have to find the right sort of gun to holster it in." Blair's randy humor was for once appreciated by Jim.

"Right. well we have not been doing that badly." Jim gave his lover an experimental stroke. Blair grabbed that hand with both of his.

"Too much. Any more and the party will be all over." Panting, fighting for control. "How kinky are you willing to be Jim?"

"I am here, my hand on my best friends cock, a woody just for him, and you ask me how kinky I am?"

"Surprise Jim. This is pretty vanilla. Well, maybe a bit of hot fudge on the side, but still this is sort of, tame. Or not," as his Sentinel growled "The thing is that we have to start some place. The question is were to start. What I like is slow, and long and fun, and sharing, exploring. I want to find all of your triggers and make them as hot as you can get. What I think is that you have had to repress them with other lovers, and dial it down. Well, I want to make you all that you can be. When I take someone to bed, we are in for a roller coaster of a ride. Think of the E ticket ride your body could be!" Blair looked at him with pleading and love. And horniness. Lets not forget that.

"Your too young to know what a E ticket ride is." He smiled at the earnest one. "Have you even been to Disney world?"

"Yup, Naomi took me to every amusement park that she could. I used to love them. Have not been in years. But she told me about the E ticket rides. Told me that my life should be lived like one."

"I will grant you that. This has been a E ticket ride for sure." He scruffed the hair of his lover. "But I think that we should start off with the tunnel of love."

"Ouch. Bad Pun. But I am down with that. Just have to work up to it. Do you trust me?"

Jim sighed. "With my heart my soul, my bank card"

"Bank Card? Oh man Am I touched. Your Pin is 3078 by the way."

"I am not going to change it. So what is your great plan."

"Well, I am a cop, and your a cop. That means that we have at least two set's of hand cuffs around...."

Jim stared at him in open mouth astonishment. And not some little arousal.

****************

Blair had once more proven that a determined Guide was a force of nature. Something to weather, bow to and accommodate. And the look. He could never turn down the look. That was the only explanation as to why he was spread eagle on his bed, handcuffed to the railing.

Blair carefully checked his wrist, making sure that the tub socks that he had sacrificed were padding his wrist enough. Blair's cock bobbed just a scant inch from his mouth as he did his check, and Jim leaned forward to lap at the tantalizing tidbit. Blair moaned, and stopped for a moment, unable or unwilling to move, as Jim's greedy tong lapped and teased the head of engorge member, swirling around and over all reachable spots, sucking in the hard flesh, tasting the coppery sweet bitter musk, the salty need. Blair was hard pressed to pull away, but he rewarded his lover efforts with a deep kiss, passion rolling off of the two of them, need a language of tongs and heat and vibration of moans. Jim had never been so responsive. It was as though the option of choice taken away from him, he had no recourse but to give into the inevitable. It was no longer his fault, or responsibility. He was bound, helpless, at the mercy of Blair hand's and mouth, his will and words, open to any thing that Blair wished to do to him, a willing offering to the covenant of Sentinel and Guide, To lovers that had shared life and death, to a union that had to be, despite the odds, or belief of the persons involved.

Jim was the helpless captive of passion, at the mercy of his Guide, open to any thing that he was interested in doing to him, Blair could take from him any reattribution that had been slated for the abuse that he had heaped on his lover over the last 6 weeks. Jim shivered in anticipation of what was to come, tugging gently at the cuffs, wondering how much time he had left to live. If just kissing Blair was this good, what would come next?

"Oh Jim. You are like so mine! I am going to tattoo my name on your butt!" Life could be worse.

He was about to get just what he deserved for the abuse that he had done to the man that he loved.

"Oh Blair." It was an entree, a plea, a summons and a prayer all in one. Close to a sob, Blair responded by hugging his lover, and holding him, his hard body on top of Jim's powerful long one. There manhood's rubbed, need grinding on need. For long moments it seemed that the hot flush of passion would over take them before they had quite started, but Blair wrenched himself away, pulling back from the hot mouth and even hotter cock that was rubbing his.

"Easy Jimbo. We have all night. I want to make this good. I want to make it last. I love you. After tonight you are never going to doubt that or regret it." A sweet smile filled his face. "My safe word is Naomi. You still want Pineapple for yours?"

"Yes,."

"Great. This is going to be so cool. I love you so much." And Blair dropped and cuddled on the chest of his lover, safe, holding him safe warm and loved. At last he could talk to Sentinel, and he could not over react or walk away. Dam. He should have done this years ago. For a moment he could understand just why Jim had spanked him. It was about control, but it was also about need and love.

*****************

It was near sensory over lode. The heat the was on his chest, the fine soft hair that enveloped his neck, trailed down on to his chest. the cool nipple ring rasping on his skin, a different point of focus, a hot spot of distraction in world of heat and hair and flesh. It helped keep him from zoning, distracting him self from the overwhelming sensation of pleasure, the slight irritation, that all in all felt sort of nice, once he let it. What must it feel to Blair, to have your nipple pierced? He own were not that sensitive. Till now. The irritation, the coughing that arose when Blair had been touching them, he was not sure were it had come from. Fear based response. Defense Mechanism. Left over stimulation from the time he had that chest infection in the Jungle. Who knew?

Most of his lovers that had played with his chest had given up after a few minutes, when he expressed no interest in further stimulation, and showed that there actions could be put to better use else were. Had never been paid that much attention to them. Till now.. Hard fur covered chest on his. He could feel the slight chill of the hands, so wonderful touching him, shivering from skin hunger, releasees, surrender, working along his rib cage, stroking and easing teasing, soft kisses on his shoulder, words whispered in his ear, most not in English, some were ones that he understood, mixed German and Latin and French, and some Spanish, all of love and poetry and comfort and surrender. Almost nonsense, just words, but it centered him, helped him to endure the toucher of pleasure, and not zone.

"How are you doing?" lips whispering near his ear, then a hot wet tong lapping the fold that met the side of his face, tracing the arch and working its way into the maze of the inner folds of his ear,

"Muuannn..You are trying to kill me for the insurance, aren't you?"

"You have insurance? Wow. With my name on it? How much?"

"Don't ask. I don't want you to have that sort of temptation hanging over your head."

"Aww, man, have a little faith. Your worth millions to me alive. I proved that." It was not a guilt trip. but it felt like one. "Its about friendship. Its about love. I will never betray you. You can trust me. You have got to trust me." Blair kissed him, hot and wet and playfully willing. "I will do any thing to make this work. I am still your Guide. I love you man."

"I love you too. Want to take off the cuffs so I can show you how much?" Jim tugged on the restraints, more in play than intent.

"Hum. I don't know if I am ready, If your ready, if we are ready to take that step yet." He regarded his friend. Blue eyes burning in to his. "It's like your heart is still in the jungles. Your sexual being is this beast of prey. This panther that takes what it wants, when it wants it. I want it too, but we have to put that Kitty on a bit of a leash." He kissed Jim on the mouth, gentle hunger and need, almost pulling back at the suction that vacuumed his mouth onto his, pulled his tong deep in to his sentinels mouth in a near painful way. Blair relaxed his mouth, and released his lips, pulling back, sliding his mouth to the side, and kissing his jaw. "Wow man. Good thing that I have had my tonsils removed already."

Jim Growled. Whether it was a mock growl, or something a touch closed to the Jungle than he wanted to experience he was not sure.He stroked Jim, kissing down the chest, visiting the hard way too sensitive nipples and lapped at them.

And was nearly bucked off. Jim came up off of the bed, arched and screaming. And not necessarily in a good way.

Blair pulled away." Too intense man? Try and dial it back a bit, just feel the heat of my hand on your chest. Dial it back to were it is comfortable. To were you can handle it without discomfort. Let it be comfortable for you." Moments passed, and the strain that was on Jim's face passed, relaxed his body lost some of its tension. And still Blair did not move. He held and cradled his lover almost worshipfully, calming himself as much as Jim. Then slowly, not moving his hands, Blair worked his way down, as slow as carpet moss, kissing and licking a path down the smooth hard body, slow soft ecstasy, dancing with his torso and legs in increments that could be seen only by a stop gap camera. Slowly he crept down, the sensation of the hair on his body a stimulant on the Sentinel skin, like a thousand paint brushes, rubbing over his belly, his cock. By the time that Blair's mouth had reached the hard and weeping member, Jim was moaning softly, twitching moving his hips in gentle humping movements, striving for stimulation, aching with need, racked with the promise of for filament. Blair breathed hot moist breath along the head and shaft, at the same time so slowly moving his hands slightly on the hard nipples that were so resiant to pleasure. He coordinated and choreographed the movements of his hands and mouth, so that the feedback of the tongue lapping on the head of his cock was mated with the slight rub of thumbs on the side of the erect nipple, the slow decent of his hot and giving mouth accompanied to fingers circling the tan aureola, the up ward drawing milking of the large cock metered out with a slight milking of the nipples in his hands. So slow. So nice. So sweet. So hot.

"Blair" was all that Jim could cry out, before he came and shot his cum into his lovers mouth.

Quickly before Jim could drop into the near coma that he had every time before with love making, Blair rose up and kissed him. Close mouth in case Jim really did not wish to taste himself on his Guide, but Jim's demanding tong parted his lips and plundered the depth, tasting him, tasting himself.

"So Jim, how are you doing?" He curled on his lover chest, arms enwrapping him, Holding fast to his love, heart pounding, Need just held in check, having almost climaxed when Jim did, it was that intense of a moment.

"That was so...nice." He smiled to show that it was so much more. But in Jim speak, that meant that he had rocked his world. "I can taste the Capuchin that I had yesterday. Sorry. I did not mean to do that. I wanted this to be a weekend about you."

"It is OK Jim. I wanted to do that. You stayed with me. You called my name." He did not mention that he had been working on desensitizing and retraining his body to accept pleasure, that he could hold on to like so many things that he had done to help his Sentinel.

Blair undid the handcuffs. He was suddenly caught in a bear hug, arms holding and surrounding him, pulled into Jim heat Jim love. Playful aggression, but not as fast or brutal as before, Jim kissed him, and pinned him playfully to the bed, Licking with small cat laps the base of his neck, sucking briefly on each hard nipple, as he worked his hands up the rib cage, and down to his flanks, pinning His unhesitant Guide to the bed, He met his eyes, Smiling. "I want this to be as good for you as it was for me. And he head descended on his Guides need, mouth claiming him, owning him, needing him. He did not last long, no surprise, as Jim cupped his ass cheeks in his large hands, pumping the hard cock deep and deeper into his hot sucking mouth, Tong swirling and dancing along the shaft, urging his lover with stroke of thumbs and fingers like a jockey urging a stallion across the finish line.

"Here it comes, oh, Yhay, Yhay, Now Now, Now, Yes, Yes. Yes. Oh.. huuuuuunnnnnnhunnnagurrlow."

Jim held his lover for a moment, as the last spasms faded away, holding the taste, the moment, the feeling of completeness, of love and....

"Come up here." Blair hauled his lover up to rest on the bed next to him, pulling himself into his arms. He kissed him, first on the chin, then the mouth. Grateful sharing, Demonstration of love that he failed to find words for. "Man. Wow. Thank you! You are so great! I love you so much!"

"Your not so bad either." Affection Deep in his voice, "Think that An old man can get some sleep now?"

"Show me an old man, and I will let you know. No old men here!" Blair latched on to his lover like he was about to gear up for a round two.

"Whoon Slow down JR. We have all day tomorrow. And that Jags game. You kill me now, and you will never find the tickets." Jim cuffed his lover, love tap on the back of his head.

"Man. OK. Love you." Blair yawned once, and was gone.

Jim smiled in amusement. Blair did not have an off switch. You just had to let the batteries run out. He held his lover, content for the first time in a long time. The nice thing about oral sex was the fact that you did not have to worry about the clean up.

*****************

Morning was to be a lazy waking. At least that was the intent. Day light spilled in from the roof window, And for a change it was not raining. Believe that. A Saturday in Cascade without rain. For a moment He wished that it was raining, as a better excuse to stay in bed and cuddle his lover. But the practical part of him demanded that he rise and put the clear day to good use. This was his first Saturday off in weeks. He did not have to go in for rehab for his leg, and the need that had pushed him to do 6 half days a week was diminished.

Blair was still asleep, still in the same position that he had crashed out in, His mouth slightly opened, Hair tangled around him like a disreputable angel. Hungrily he watched his sleeping partner. It must have been the intensity of his gaze, for all of the sudden he awoke, Blinking, Looking up into his lovers eyes.

"Jesus, Jim. Good morning!" Blair stretched and started to role away. Jim pined him, and proceeded to kiss him, morning mouth and all. Blair resisted for a moment then drifted into the kiss, wrapping his arms around his sentinel, moving into his embrace. "This is real nice, but unless you are into golden showers, you might want to let me hit the head."

Reluctantly Blair was released, and Jim slowly trailed him down the steps, pulling on some sweats as he went. By the time that he was down the stairs, Blair was out of the bathroom, Tooth brush in mouth, heading to the kitchen sink to finish up. He planted a minty kiss on Jim's lips. Tom's tooth past. Spearmint. Nice. Have to remember that one. The mint tingled and urged him to brush also. He was just finishing up, when Blair was returning the brush to the bathroom.

Blair's arms came around him, spooning up into his back, pressing his check into his shoulder. "Good Morning." He pressed a kiss beneath the shoulder blade, licking nibbling. Playing. He turned an unresisting Jim to him, and Kissed him properly. "What is on the agenda for today?" Teasing "I am all yours Good buddy!"

"I know that. Might be more than you can handle?" Jim smiled down at his guide, planting a kiss on his forehead.

"I think that I can handle it just fine. Have a whip and chair on hand just for if the bad old kitty gets too rough." Blair's hand reached down and cupped the now hard rod that was between them. "Want to take a shower with me?" A hot and sweet smile. "I will scrub your back. And any thing else you want." Jim kissed him as a form of agreement.

"Oh and I have an idea. If we keep you from getting too desperate sexually, that is to say sexily frustrated, it might help keep you from getting out of control. That means that I have to keep you happy. Something that I am looking forward to."

"I see. Think that I have to invest in some safe sex precautions. Like an extra large bath mat."

"Not a problem, later." And kissing took place of further conversation.

****************

"So Jim, Up for some good clean fun?" Blair lightly ran his hand up and down the iron hard shaft that was poking him in the tummy. Blair erection was just a tad lower, but just as insistent in its demands for attention.

"Sure. I seem to be up for a good deal of late. You make me so hot.Bring it on. Hope that you know that you are gong to have to go half on the water bill this month."

"I always go half on the bills. Lets just think of this as a water conservation measure. Save water, Take a shower with a friend!"

Not much if any water was saved, sad to say.

Blair stepped into the shower, pulling his unhesitant Sentinel in with him. For a moment they were locked in a kiss, forgetting that the purpose of a shower was to get wet some were along the way.

Kissing someone that is shorter than you takes a lot of effort. Like wise someone that is taller. Well, worth the effort, but effort nonetheless. Slick sweat soon covered the two of them, heat compiled in the enclosed space. Jim tasted the salt and flavor of his Guide, lapping his neck, seeking his sent from under his arms, his hair, his groin, sniffing and licking, tasting, learning and loving him in a new and different way. Blair in lust. Blair in need. Guide ripe with arousal, and flavored with left over traces of his completion last night. The traces of him on his Lover, the oil from his palm leaving a perfect hand print on his but, he outlined each finger print, laved with his tong were his palm had been, holding him as he spilled into his mouth last night, separating the older stale pheromones from the new fresh ones of today.

Blair was malleable to this inventory, leaning on the tiled wall, held up by it and sexual tension. Jim moved him to allow him to taste and explore, mark and claim each inch of his Guide, touching and learning the strong back, seeded with a fine version of the hirsute chest, strong shoulders, Kissing down the spine, licking each vertebra, lapping the hollows at the small of the back, kissing each round hard check, beginning to part them, preparing to ....

"Whoah Jim! Easy! Think that we should clean up a bit before we go much farther. One more stoke, and I will be decorating this wall!"

Jim had be on the verge of a zone out. But then so had Blair. The sensation of hands and mouth moving so loving, so slow, exploration of his entire being, He had nearly cum when Jim had licked the inside of his elbows, a hot spot that he had not been aware of till now.

Jim slowly working his way down his back. unkniting his spine with his tongue, that had been close to his undoing. It was just as he was aware that he was about to be rimed that he realized that he had better put a damper on this, before it went too far too fast. Blair turned and pulled his Sentinel to his feet, Kissing him, Hugging him fiercely, the urge to rub his need on the hard body, to merge with him, take or be taken by him, was so close. Time for some cooling down. He so wanted this to last.

Fumbling behind him, he turned on the water. Lucky that it was the cold water, as the shower valve had been left open, to prevent the dripping that so annoyed Jim. Blair had forgotten this at this moment, and the two of them were suddenly drenched in chill water. Blair getting the worst of it due to his position under the spout.

Jim pulled back to laugh at his guide, His hands cupping his lovers face, about to make a remark about needing a cold shower.

And saw Blair. Hair wet and clinging, His eyes closed, chill flesh under his hands, mouth lax and open.

Just like at the Fountain.

The sense flash back was too much. The taste of Blair, the loving of Blair, the joy and power, and sex were all washed away in the sudden cold drenching spray.

"No!!!! This is not happening!"

And Blair's eyes opened, shocked, annoyed, worried, but alive. He shut off the shower lever, and turned on the hot water to warm up.

"Jim! It's OK! man, what was a downer. Are you OK?" Blair was shivering slightly, cold water dripping off of his face, running off of his hair. "Jim, what is it?" The Guide voice kicked in. The one that Jim would follow any were. It pulled him back from the zone that he was about to retreat into.

"The Fountain.....You were so cold, So wet. So...."

"I was dead. You called me back." Blair grasped one of Jim's hands and held it to his heart. "I am alive. I am with you. I love you."

"And you are cold. Think that the water is warmed up?" Jim tested it, adding a touch of cold, balancing the temp to something just between what temp that Blair enjoyed, and his near tepid shower. He had to warm up Blair. The sight of the wet hair, stringing and lax around and on his face still bugged him. He pulled the damp mass away from his lovers face and kissed him, fingers tangled in the wet tendrils. The sent reminded him that they were in the shower to get clean also. Jim snagged the bottle of Natures gate off of the holder, and put a dollop in his lovers hair, moving him out of the spray, shampooing and massaging it into the scalp, working it all the way in then out to the ends. Some were along the line Blair had acquired an interesting number of head traumas. Jim could feel each micro fracture, old scare and bone bruise that decorated the back, front and sides of his head. Most had happened in adult hood, and not healed the way that bone heals when you are young. The front of his forehead had several knots in his scull, ridges that he could count, and label as to when and were it had happened.

Because of him. The ridge on the right side of his face, that was when a radio tower fell on him. The deep knot in the back of his head, that was from Alex, when she knocked him out and tossed him into the fountain. And more. OH so many more.

"Hay Jim? Time for the rinse cycle, if you know what I mean. And I am loving this." Blair was purring under his hands. He did not know. He did not remember. He did not understand. He could have died any of the times, had died.

Jim turned his Guide into the stream of the water, and just held him, tightly. Blair kissed his sentinel on the neck, arms around his love.

"Man. I would not have traded any of the days that I have spend with you for anything. Wow! Can you picture just how good it is going to get?" Blair's mood was infectious. Nothing else he could have said at that moment would have reached him.

"How about some conditioner? The one with the sandal wood?" Blair nodded, and Jim worked a squirt of Nature gate Conditioner into his lovers hair, working it in, combing it out with his fingers, working out the knots and tangles that last night and this morning had left vestige there. He was working on a rather annoying elf lock when he realized that Blair was stroking his back, working circular motions and swirls over the broad plain of his traipses, ghost touching with his fingertips up and down his spine. Nice. It sent shivers along his nerves system that were about to shift him into over drive. That was it. It was time to get out of the shower. He pulled away from Blair, making it the second hardest thing that he had done, since last night.

"OK Sandburg, time to hit the shower. He slapped a soaped wash cloth into his hands. Lets get clean."

The two worked over each Luther, more with the intent of washing then foreplay, a goal of some sort clear in at least Jim's eyes. Blair was happy. This was what love was about. Not head trips. Not Guilt. Just fun, and being with someone that you love.

Jim looked at his carefree lover, amused at him washing his toes. He owed him so much. He had to make this work. He had such a debt to pay off. He could have lost Blair. He was going to do his damnedest to make sure that he did not lose him ever again.

No matter what he had to do.

********************

Sooner or later, Jim knew that this would happen. It was far too good to last.

Blair was testing him.

Jim laid sprawled out on the floor, as close to a puddle as a man could get. Surrounding him and his Guide were assorted emplacements of destruction. The silk scarf and the velvet and rabbit fur mit he understood. Even liked a lot. A whole lot. The rubber spatular was a different matter.

His guide lover had been experimenting with his body like a kid with a new erector set. He had not been so poked and prodded since his last military physical. Had to admit this was a hell of a lot more fun.

"No ice. Sorry, Blair. I am just not into....Arrrrrgggg oh... ah.. yes..."

Blair looked up at his debauched lover. In the end it had made better sense to just toss down the old drop cloth that was used for camping lining the inside of the tent, and put some of the old sheets and his blanket on the floor next to the fire place, start a small fire in the middle of the day, and close all of the blinds. A CD played in the back ground, Jazz Under a Strawberry Moon. The music talked. No words, Please. It was time for the two of them to speak for themselves.

"What was that?" Jim did not know whether to come out of his skin, or just to cum.

"I have a piece of ice under my tongue. I lick the up stroke with the warm side, the down side with the smother but colder side. Great party trick." Cheerfully he demonstrated it again." Like it?"

Jim was beyond words at this moment. Blair had been pushing different stimulation's, seeing what Jim liked best, as well as looking for ways to keep him from zoning on him during sex.

"Take of the hand cuffs and I will show you." A low growl echoed in his voice.

"Soon Jim. Soon. I am going to let you have your wicked way with me. Just have to make a few preparations first."

"If I let you live that long." Jim muttered to him self. Remember we have a game to go to tonight. Jag tickets. From Simon.. Remember? Do not kill your source of Jag tickets. If your nice to me, I buy you a Hot-dog?"

"I got a hot dog right here." Blair gave an another appreciative slurp, this time with the cold side. "Needs a bit of mustard though...."

"You are in so much trouble." Jim thrust up, frustration and need warring with his urge to let things just flow.

"I am used to it. I thrive on it." Blair made an another commando raid on Jim's hard cock, sucking him deep into his mouth, lapping at the base of the shaft, pulling back a touch, and then descending, finding a rhythm that worked for the two of them.

Jim dropped his head back, and offered himself up to the inevitable

*******************

Jim Closed his eyes. Focusing on the heat, the sensation, the stimulation, so incredibly nice, so....

"Jim." Blair's mouth was on his Kissing him." Come back to me man. Dam. You zoned. I was so trying to keep that from happening."

"Its OK. I have zoned on worse things." He smiled at his lover. Taste he could taste himself on Blair's lips. Had he cum yet? He looked down, His cock hidden by Blair's body. Oh hell. He was going to have to ask. "Did I have a nice time? Did you?"

Blair's smile was wide, and a touch rueful. "I stopped as soon as I released that you had zoned. Sorry man. Want to try again?"

The blinds were pulled. No clue as to the time. I looked at the reflection of the VCR time and read it backwards in the reflection of the polished wood of the chair. Dam. It was like 2 PM. We had to hustle if we were going to eat and make it to the Jags game. "No.. we will have time later.. and well we have some things to take care of before the game, If you know what I mean. You hungry?"

"I could eat." Blair could always eat. He gave a wistful look at his lover, and the set up that surrounded them, and with a last kiss, uncuffed him. "You are sure about this? You were sort of close to the edge. I mean, the sexual frustration could be... " He left the statement open, hoping that Jim would be aware of the risks of not taking care of his sexual needs. The price that they had both paid for him repressing that need.

"I will be fine. It is just for a few Hr. right? Nothing is going to happen at a basketball Game."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Those words were coming back to haunt him. Blair in the Bleacher next to him, Yelling with the crowd, Jumping to his feet several times, the thick stench of adrenal of the crowd around them, the faint sent of arousal that still clung to both of them even after sperate hurried showers. It had not helped that lunch had been Chinese, and that Blair had found a new and different way to eat snow pea pods that should have a R if not a PG. 17 rating. Chop sticks. Something rather sexy about eating with chopsticks that he had missed out on till now. If he had his way he would hid the rest of the silverware and Chinese would be on the menu ever night. Along with a side order of Blair. He had nearly zoned several times, but each time Blair had brought him back, with a touch on his leg, a hand on his back, His leg nudging into his. Just saying his name. Only one of the times had he lost it on the game its self. Watching the ball spinning, reading the name Spading as it spun slowly into the net as a perfect shot made its way home. The Half time buzzer had shaken him from that one. The rest had been about Blair. For a moment the urge to grab Blair and drag him back to the truck, finish what had been started this morning was strong. But he could not do that. He had to prove that he was not going to let that happen, that he was not going to use or abuse his love, his Guide. At his pace. He slipped an arm around Blair, pulling him tight undercover of game camaraderie. The Jags were ahead by 20 points. Sure it was half time, but it was a good thing.

"So Chief, have any bets riding on this game?" Jim half smiled at his Guide, Knowing that he would not do any thing like that now. Or at least hopping.

"Na, have been so far into the training that I have forgotten things like Sports and TV even existed. Last thing that I read for fun was an advertisement for a movie. I thought to my self.. Movie.. what was that? Then Bam! It all came back to me." He grinned. "Who do you think is going to win?"

Jim looked at the teams as they were heading off court. A new guy, fresh from the collage draft was the shining star of the moment of the Jaguar team. He focused on him for some reason. Smell piggied back onto sight and hearing. Steroid. Cortisone. Tigerbalm. A slight limp, a just noticeable favoring of his left knee. He moaned, a low keening of pain, that he himself was probably not aware of. A slight sent different from the crew around him. Drugs. Pain. Lots of Pain. a faint sheen of sweat.

"Well, if they are only counting on the new guy, they are in for a world of pain. His knee is about to go out like a cheep date."

"Man that sucks." Blair's low voiced compassion stirred something in Jim that was warm and fuzzy. "Some times I forget just how this game can chew people up and spit them right out."

And Blair was off on a topic, discoursing the possibility of restructuring the sporting industry, so that people that were in that situation could be helped.

Blair Headed off to the bathroom. A backward look at Jim, after he stated that he was OK, did not need to go. It was too much like temptation. A small part held the real fear that he might push his lover into one of the stalls, pull the door shut, and have a repeat of what had happened before. He shuddered at the thought. He had a willing loving partner. He had to do every thing that he could to keep it that way. Killing time he wondered over to the souvenir stand. Jag Tees. On impulse he purchased Two, One for each of them, and shoved them into his Jacket. He would surprise Blair with them later. Just in time he hid them, and stepped into the hot-dog line. Blair Joined him. As Jim put in his order he looked at Blair. "Two Dogs. One extra mustard. Hold the cabbage."

It was all Blair could do not to fall down on the ground laughing.

*******************

The Game ended in a dismal way. The new star, Number 33 Creed, was taken out by a miss step, as he was fowled by his guard, and the two went down in a messy and painful looking clash of body parts. The Jags still won, but by a much narrower margin than they could. All in all it had been an exciting game. But Jim was just glad to be heading home. He had his hand on the small of Blair's back, part not to zone and part not to be separated in the crush of the crowd.

The wait to get out of the parking lot was filled with talk about the team, and changes in player roster. Jim's hand was on Blair's leg for most of the time, grounding himself, keeping contact with his lover.Blair's hand was over his. His eyes seldom left Jim's face, bright and large and full of love.

"Want to do the Wonderburger drive through for dinner?" Jim asked, not sure if Blair would be interested in his favorite excuse for food.

"No, I am OK. Going to wait till I get home to get something hot. Have some left overs that need to be reheated." The innocence that he stated this with near took Jim's breath away. His foot went a shade heaver on the gas pedal. Blair was in So much trouble.

*************

They were just inside the door when Blair pounced. Jim had been so concerned about holding back, of not letting his primal nature run rampant, that for just a moment he stood in shock as Blair plastered himself to him, arms around his shoulders, Mouth pressed hot and wet and demanding on his lips.

Fear. Dam. If he let his control slip, he could hurt his Guide. He pushed Blair back. "Easy, JR. Don't damage the merchandise. Do I have to hose you down or toss a table leg at you?" Jim teased his lover, as Blair worked the fastenings of his leather jacket open. The Jag Tee shirts fell out.

"Wow. What is this?" It would take something out of the ordinary to distract Blair in hot peruse of nookie. He stopped and picked up the clear sealed packs holding the shirts. He looked at Jim in questioning confusion. The fact that they were in two different sizes did not miss him. He waited for an explanation.

"I got them at the game. Jag shirts, you know. Something to remind us of our first date." He teased Blair, not knowing how else to offer the gift that he had been planing to just leave on his bed, or hand off at some more neutral time. For Blair to find them in the heat of what ever he was trying to do was ... Well, it tossed him for a loop. He had bought Blair things, shirts socks shoes before, but this was ... in this situation almost romantic. Oh God.

"Gee, thanks Jim. That was nice." He then tossed the shirts over his shoulder were they landed on the couch, and proceeded to attack Jim's neck, pulling the jacket off of his shoulders, working the sleeves down his arms, distracting him by licking his Adams apple, Undoing his shirt with his teeth, pulling his tee shirt up over his head, and then using it to bind his hands behind his back.

"Blair! How the hell, were the hell did you learn that move?" He was more amazed than annoyed.

"It just happened one time, and the girl thought that it was pretty hot. Did not have the heart to tell her that it had just gotten rolled up and tangled. I have since then perfected it into a Sandburg special!"

"I never knew that you were this kinky." Jim muttered this as Blair pulled his zipper down, and diverse him of his pants socks and shoes. Blair stopped, Looked up at Jim, and with a knowing smile, picked up the pants, dusted them off, and laid them over the back of a chair, and lined up the shoes at the door, with the socks tucked inside of them. He then Hung up the jacket, and the shirt on the hooks by the door.

"Thanks," Jim said "that was kind of you, since I do not have a free hand. Want to tell me what this is about?"

"This is about me taking you up stairs, and showing you the time of your life." Blair grinned. Excited, playful, sort of like a puppy on speed, suddenly his tong were every Place. The sweet slow lover of this morning was replaced by this whirling dervish that had laid claim to Jim's body.

"Keep that up, and the trip up stairs will not be needed!" Jim was testing the shirt that bound his hands. He knew that he could get it off, even if it meant ripping it to small pieces. The shirt was a token, a reminder to let Blair do what he was doing, to refrain from ... loosing it.

"Don't worry. There will be more were that is coming from." He danced behind his lover, and began to Guide him to the stairs.

"I see that you have been busy Guide. When did you have time to do this?" Jim Looked at Blair. " And you have far too much clothing on."

"Right. Have a seat." Jim sat as Blair began to strip, the fact that he still had his windbreaker on was a testimony to how eager he had been to get his lover into bed. He tossed his clothing over the railing, trying to be a bit neat about it, but not making as much of an effort as he had with Jim's clothing. When at last he was naked, and aroused before Jim, he seemed just a touch unsure. He lit the candles at the foot of the bed, and picked up the tube of KY.

"Trust me Jim?" The Sentinel could smell his arousal and near panic.

"Yes." No elaboration's declarations. The yes was enough. Blair was going to Fuck Him.

He deserved it. After all that he had done to and put his Guide through, it was the least thing that he could give to him.

***********

Blair stood, naked, aroused, beautiful before Jim. His heart broke at the sight of his love. If possession is 9/10 of the law then Blair will own him twice over after this. He had half of his soul, most of his heart, and as much trust as he had ever given any one. But with if it was not enough? He looked at his expectant Guid/love/Friend. For the first time, he saw that the 3 were one. He was his friend, one that had never hurt him, never would. Not on purpose any way. Alex, second sentinel to wonder across his path that had nearly destroyed them as a partnership. But he had his own part to play in that, his own guilt. 7 mounts, time you would think that you could get over that sort of betrayal. His and Blair's.

For that, for getting shot, kicking him out, for getting him killed, for the dissertation, for the 4 years that the kid had spent at his side, Guiding him, If this act could negate even one of the thing that Blair had gone through for him, then it would be work wile, this sacrifice, this surrender.

Blair stood over him, and placed his hands on his shoulders, and bent his head down to kiss Jim's up turned face. Passively Jim accepted and returned the kiss, welcoming the tong that was now probing and seeking, testing tasting. The wild scrambling of passion was changed, this had a different flavor to it, less playful, but Joyful, loving sweet and happy.

Slowly, and without menace, Blair pushed his unhesitant Sentinel down to the bed, pulling his arms down and adjusting so that he was not pinching them, but still confined with his shirt, arms drawn to his sides, held in place with his own body. Blair mantled his body for a long moment with his own.

"I love you." He stroked his lover across the hard nipples, noting with satisfaction that Jim did not react badly, but moved in response, happy at the touch, aroused by the stroking. He kissed each one, a lick kiss suck, and pulled away.

"I did some research, and I think that I found a way to keep you from zoning. If you have a distraction to look for, it should help to keep you focused. Remember when we went camping and you were holding the candle, and wax dripped on you? You could handle it right?"

Jim nodded. Confused as to were this was going. Blair took the long taper that was burning near his hand, and held it over Jim's chest, from a height of about 2 feet. "This is going to be warm, but not burning, something that you can easily handle. I want you to be aware of the heat, as I drip a drop on your skin. Just heat, Let it happen. With a last kiss to his chest, Blair let one fat drop fall.

***************

Jim heard each sound in the room like the reverberation in a drum. The soft sizzle of the candle as the wax was consumed oxidized by the flame, the soft tswoush sound as the liquid wax partly obscured the flame, nearly extinguishing it, as the candle was tipped, the soft slosh as it flowed, sigh of the rim of the candle that was cooler collapsed from the heated wax running over it, the louder swish of the opposite rim as the heat more aggressively melted the upper rim, the soft huff sound of the wax falling, cooling as some of the heat dissipated, the spork sound as it hit his chest, just below this right nipple.

Despite that, Jim let out a soft Ah of surprise at the intense warmth pt, the shock of the wax cooling and contracting, tugging on micro hairs, making his body intently aware of that scant few centimeters of flesh. It was not painful. It was stimulation unlike any thing that he had ever felt before. One drop of candle wax on the passion sensitized flesh of his chest.

For a moment he forgot about Blair hovering above him, about his cock pressed so tight to his body, rubbing on his cock, forgot that Blair was going to do to him the one thing that he was dreading, wanting, the last barricade that he had held on to, that last concession to his decent into .. what ever he was becoming.

"Oh, Man. Dam." Jim lurched at the intense stimulation. He was intently glad at this moment that his arms were bound by the shirt, that he did not have to test, to trust his will to surrender to Blair, that he could only endure, and trust, let his lover push without question any direction that he wished, that Blair thought that he deserved.

"Like that Jim?" Blair kissed his lover on the neck, being careful not to burn his hair. "It is not too much, is it?"

Jim shook his head, not trusting his voice. Blair put the candle back in its holder. "Cool. I am going to keep that for a back up if you start to zone." Blair's smile was sweet, loving tender passionate, and wicked as Jim had never seen him before. Seducer, tempter. Corrupter. Dark angel, come to drag him into a dark night, one that he did not have the will to fight any longer.

*****************

Oh wow! Blair watched as Jim reacted to the drop of hot wax drip on his chest. For a moment He thought that he might have gone too far, that this was too much for his love, that he was pushing things too fast. But the memories of what he had done with Molly, the mild B/D, the games that they had played with fire and ice, wax and icecubes, well it was just too much to resist. And it seemed to be a good way to insure that Jim would not zone, or a way to bring him out of a zone without breaking making love. For a moment the candle light caught the near clear white wax and illuminated in such a way that it looked red, like a gun shot. Had to be the reflection of skin, of blood, engorged flesh under it. It still was disturbing to Him, as he put the candle aside. He had other things in mind.

He stroked down the firm chest of his lover, fingertips trailing invisible threads of heat tracing the ribs, caressing the hard nubs over and over, till Jim moaned his name. "Blair"

"Love you Jim. Having a nice time?" He kissed the right nipple, and used his soft curls to stroke the left, alternating from right to left a few times with his hair and mouth, coming back to kiss the open and gasping mouth that was making such needing noises.

"Blair.... I am ready. What ever you are going to do to me, do it now, when I can't say no." Jim took a deep breath, trying to control the shuddering of his body, on the verge of an overload or zone.

"Anything?" Blair teased. He kissed the sweet spot just behind his sentinels ear, licking the inner folds with a whisper swipe.

"Anything." Jim tensed a tad, wishing that he would just get on with it. Take what he wanted, give him what he deserved.

"Wow. You trust me that much?" More than humbled, awed by the surrender that he saw in his lovers eyes, feeling the need the love, the surrender, the fear.

Jim nodded. Words beyond him. Without warning Jim's legs came up and around Blair's waist, hugging him, pulling his down, embracing him as he could not with his arms. He squeezed his lover hard, momentary grinding them togged, sweet slick flesh rubbing, frontage front to front, head to head, Blair's heavy balls dragging along and over his shaft, the slide and bump of glands and hardness on his was nearly the undoing of both men.

Blair had an iron will at this moment. Or perhaps the weakness of need of more than this. He had thought long and hard about how this could happen, how he could over come this fear that his lover had of intimacy. How best to prove that he could love Blair, that it was not some twisted or hurtful thing.

"Stop Jim. Please. Oh not yet. Man.. no not yet. Dial it back."

Jim's legs reluctantly fell away, to rest bent and framing his lover, feet on the bed, open and waiting. Exposed, He knew he was in place. His ass was open to what ever violation that Blair chose to do to him.

"Be gentle... " Jim was trying for a joke. The Catch in his voice betrayed him.

"Man. You ask a lot. But don't worry. I have been reading up. When we were at the Game, and I went to the restroom, I... sort of took care of some things." Blair reached down and got two condoms from the table by the bed. With an amazing dexterity he ripped the foil off with his teeth, for both of them, and slid a condemn on himself one handed, then on his lover using both lubing the both at the same time, fisting the two together for a moment. The tight sensation of the condom was a sperate torture, cutting down on one sort of sensation and creating another.

Blair leaned back on the thighs behind him, pulling his feet up. He reached behind himself, and with a slight grunt, dislodged something. Jim's days on vice had not left him uninformed about such things. That Blair would use a butt plug on himself was shocking to him, for just a moment.

"I am ready for you. I have been ready for you for a long time, only this time I am prepared." Blair smiled. on his toes and hands, still resting on the strong legs behind him, He guided him self down onto Jim's waiting need. "I love you. This is going to be so good!"

Jim was enveloped, taken stirred but not shaken. A warm tight night engulfed him. Unlike any thing that he had ever experienced before. A distant part of him was aware of the sound of ripping cloth, and a startled surprised yelp.

***************

Slowly Blair moved. Savoring each moment, carefully easing himself down the hard need, that despite his carefully stretching and lubing of himself felt was going to split him in half. He had to stop, half way and give himself a moment to adjust, holding still, a throbbing member half impaled in his ass, his throbbing cock more than half cocked. Intense pressure, Deep pleasure, as he worked up a fraction, and back down, stroking his prostate. Gasping at the sensation. He had been on edge since the end of the game, since he had buggered himself with the but plug, making him self half mad with the thought of Jim taking him there, feeling his hot love rocket shooting for his moon. It had been all that he could do to not rape him in the truck, The assault on his friends body the moment that they had walked in the door. It had been all that he could do to keep from begging him to take him, drape him over the back of the couch, across the dining room table, hell on the floor on his hands and knees.

Only the knowledge that this act would set the president for all further love making, that this might be the one chance that he had to take control of the situation, to make it right the first time, kind and gentle passionate and hot and loving and....

"Oh!" The slow pull thrust of decent, the working the massive cock into his tight ass, carefully controlled, riding up then down, accepting a touch more with each thrust, claiming a fraction more of the cock he was riding, rocking himself down and back, watching his lover. He gave him self slowly to his lover, controlled and careful...

Without warning Jim thrust up, impaling with one lunge thrust the mostly assimilated man meat. His body was arched like a tightly drawn bow, knocked and aimed for the targeted. The tee shirt that held his arms was shredded like just so much tissue paper.

And Jim's hands were on him. Blair shivered at the touch of his hands grasping his shoulders, holding him in place as he thrust his hips up once more, pushing his punishing large hard cock deeper into the now over stretched rectum. The razor edge of pleasure pain that He had been riding rocked dangerously over into the pain over load, for a moment, till Jim dropped back to the bed, still holding his lover deeply seated on his cock.

A shivering shaking moment, were sanity, passion and control hung in the balance. Blue eyes met, and animal natures emerged, a blue eyed wolf growled possession, need keening deep in the back of his throat, raw and primal, alpha, and dominate despite the fact that he was the one that was being taken, given.

A near howl of a cat in heat, the essence of Jungle, of night of wild and near tame, a moment of mastery, by his lover, and of himself.

And the fire that burned of madness was replaced with the glow of love and more human need. Blair leaned forward and Jim leaned up to share a kiss. It was not easy, more a testimony to Blair's yoga training than any thing else, and the need to commune love with an unspoken language.

It could not last long. Far too close to the edge were the two men, held in check by near heroic control, The sensation of his cock, rubbed between his belly and Jim's was the stroke that broke the hold. Heat on heat, Jim's smooth hot belly, pressing and stimulating. He could not hold back. Mouth locked on his lover, Hands supporting the both of them, as Jim hung off of his strong shoulders, He rocked his hips, grinding his cock into Jim's belly button, milking the hard invader that was pressing into his prostate. The two stumbled over the edge of passions cliff together, Blair's hot seed filling the condom as the same time he felt the last thrusts edging him to passions decent and he felt Jim shuddering beneath him. They moaned their completeness into one another mouths.

It was much more than sex. This was Fucking at its best. Good, Primal, caring, sharing, mating, Bonding. Trust at its deepest level.

Love. The passion ebbed away slowly, draining away like the now unneeded blood to the deflating cocks. Last conscious act of caring, Blair eased up, and removed the condoms from both himself and his lover, tied a knot in the ends and toss them in the trash. A cloth with witch hazel to clean them up, and Guide laid down at his Sentinels side, head pillowed on his now near unconscious lovers chest.

"Love you Jim. When do the movies have to be back?" Blair asked

"The Videos? Monday. Love you Blair." And Jim pulled his arms around his Guide snuggled on his chest, and the final surrender was to sleep.

***********

Heat on his face woke him. Groggily, He was aware that it was Sunday. Light spilled in from the sky light. That is were the heat was coming from. That and the moist bundle curled up in his arms. Blair drooled in his sleep. And snored. How attractive. Jim watched his sleeping guide, Love and affection spilling over him in equal parts. Poor kid was tired. As much as he wished to wake him up, kiss and re visit some of the experiences that they had shared last night, Blair needed a bit more sleep.

It was OK. There were things that needed to be done. Chores that he could get out of the way so that he could have the rest of the day with Blair. There were still some movies to be watched, and things that needed to be done.

Jim brushed a kiss over his sleeping guides forehead, and headed down the stairs. Laundry. He had to do laundry. That could wait a bit. Wile yanking the sheets put from under Blair might go unnoticed at this point, it still would be rude.

He would do Blair's sheets. God knows that they needed it. Jim smiled to him self, a warm feeling at the though of some act of kindness that he could do for his love. He hummed to him self, drinking in the sent of Blair in this room, comparing it to the sent of the sleeping Blair upstairs.

What. Something was wrong. Fear. Old fear. Arousal. A woman's perfume. Floor wax, dust. What the hell? Jim pulled Blair's Cop uniform out of the laundry hamper, and sniffed the 2 day old sent. Oh Yes, It was.

A scent of a woman on Blair's uniform, mixed with both panic/fear and some arousal.

Jim's heart turned to stone, and his hands started to shake.

to be continued...

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