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by
"Well?"
I take a deep, slow breath. It's not making me any calmer. Damnit, it's always worked before! Jim squeezes my hand, and I meet his eyes. Damn, he's got such incredibly blue eyes! I love you, Jim...
"Yeah, okay, I'm ready."
"You better be," he tells me with a grin. I detect nervousness from his side as well. "Because the moment this elevator stops and those doors open, there's no going back."
"I know."
"We don't have to do this."
"I know that too."
I don't let go of his hand.
The elevator stops.
Oh God.
And we go out, hand in hand.
Oh God.
The sixth floor is buzzing as usual, busy detectives and random other people running around, doing whatever detectives and random other people do all day. That's it. Just hold on to Jim's hand. Keep walking, don't look at them. Don't look ashamed, don't let go of Jim, keep your head up, ignore the surprised gasps and teasing whistles, and DON'T FORGET TO BREATHE!
"You okay, Chief?"
Oh, oh...
"Chief?"
I blink. "Jim?"
"Yeah, your heartbeat sped up."
I let out a nervous laugh. "Oh, yeah, I just forgot to breathe for a moment, there... Heh, happens all the time. Don't mind me."
Oh, there's Jim's desk, we're almost there, nothing's in our way, nobody has come over to congratulate us or spit in our faces yet...
"Hey, way to go, you guys!"
I spoke too soon.
"Hey, Rafe," I say. Oh God, I hope it doesn't show I'm about to bolt from the room! Rafe... grins at us. He grins at us. He grins at us. Wait, look away, then double check. Yep, he grins at us.
"Congratulations!" he says, giving both Jim and me a friendly pat on the back. "It's about time you two decided to go public on us."
"Yeah?" Jim says with an arched brow. Damn, how does the man hide his nervousness like that? "You knew?"
"Well, it wasn't exactly a surprise," Rafe says with a shrug as his grin grows. "I think about 90 % of the entire sixth floor has suspected something was going on for years."
Huh?
HUH?
"Years?"
Ooops, I said that out loud, didn't I?
"Well, I don't know how long it really has been going on," Rafe explains, "but the two of you have always seemed just a bit too close for *just* being partners, you know?"
Mouth close. Or mouth speak. Choose. Now, please? Will you please get control over your face, Sandburg, and don't just stand here, gaping like a fish out of the water!
"Ellison, Sandburg - my office. Now."
OH!
Jim's laughing at me. Okay, that's *fine!* I didn't mean to jump like that, okay, it was a pure reflex! How was I to know it was just Simon? Oh, well, okay, the voice and our surroundings should have tipped me off, but still...!
"We better go see the Captain," Jim explains with a nod to Rafe. I can only nod mutely, then follow Jim into Simon's office.
We sit down, and I register that our hands are still linked, Jim's thumb rubbing circles on my skin. It feels damn good. And I'm starting to relax.
"Is there something you two wanna tell me?" Simon asks with an arched brow.
"Not if there's something you have a problem with," Jim quips, then adds, "Sir."
"No, no problem," the Captain explains. "I just wish to be able to congratulate you properly, and if there isn't anything you'd like to tell me, I sure as hell would feel embarrassed."
I let out a too high, very nervous laugh, and Jim grins at me. I clear my throat and wipe the nervous smile off my face, then dare a glance at Simon. He's grinning at me like a maniac, then reaches over to shake Jim's hand.
"Congratulations," he says, before extracting his other hand so I can shake it. I didn't have to let go of Jim's hand. The Captain's a smart guy. "So you're okay with this?" Simons asks. "With coming out to everybody here?"
"Yeah," Jim says, since my tongue apparently has decided to take a vacation. "The Major Crimes Unit's okay, but we don't know about the rest of the PD or the rest of Cascade, yet. You know how it is with gay cops. We'll take it one step at a time."
"Good," Simon says. We start to leave, but as we exit the door, Simon appears behind us.
"H!" he bellows out over the bullpen. "Two years, ten months and seventeen days! You owe me a hundred bucks, man!"
HUH?
I'm sure I look like a question mark, because Simons looks at me and smiles before he explains. "Me and H had a bet - I bet you two would get together within three years, counting from the day Jim dragged your ass in here, while he thought it'd take longer than that."
"B-but you both thought... we'd g-g-get together eventually?" I stutter incredulously.
Ooo, nice going, Sandburg. Articulate as ever...
I can feel my face burning and I look down as both Simon, Jim and everybody in the bullpen who heard my nervous stutter burst into laughter. Yeah, laugh it up while I go dig a hole in the ground where I can hide...
I don't think I'll ever be able to face the guys ever ag-
Oh, Jim smoochies...
And more cheering and laughing.
"I love you, Chief."
"I love you, Jim."
And my *God,* what a relief this is. We're out to the guys, nobody has spit in our faces yet, and Jim loves me.
Life doesn't look so bad, does it?
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