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The Sentinel

"Out Of Denial"
by Little Pinky

I have no idea when this started. This... insanity. Because that's exactly what it is - insanity! It can't be real... It can't possibly be real. It just can't

There is no way in hell I'm in love with Jim Ellison!

Man, I can't believe this... I think I realized a couple of days ago, when this maniac on heroin had a gun to Jim's head. I've never been that terrified in my entire life, and that includes all those times it was my ass on the line. I feared more for Jim's life than my own - that one made me realize one or two things.

Jim was fine, of course, and the guy was arrested, and ever since then I've been in denial. Up until just now, I guess.

We were eating dinner earlier, and I was just watching Jim as he ate, and I thought that I was so goddamn lucky to be his best friend. And it's true - I really am goddamn lucky to be Jim's best friend, to have someone like Jim care for me, to have someone like Jim watching my back. I'm not really sure how the dinner fit into all of this, but...

Well, anyway, I'm not really sure what to do about this. I mean, I've always known I've been able to be attracted to men as well as women - it's not that. Being in love with a *guy* isn't what confuses me. Being in love with *Jim* is what confuses me.

It's not unpleasant - it's as pleasant as being in love always is. With the tingles down my spine, the urge to squeal whenever the object of your affection is in the room, the constant happy mood, and all that stuff. But it's *Jim* for cryin' out loud!

Jim! Mr. 'I'm-so-staight-I'd-rather-make-out-with-the-woman-who-tried-to-drown-my- partner-and-best-friend-in-a-fountain-than-make-out-with-a-man!'

Okay, so that whole Sentinel thing played a large part in the episode I just mentioned, but still...

No, all this thinking is getting me nowhere. It just confuses me and I just *know* Jim will never find out how I feel about him.

Ever.

Well, at least I'm not in denial, anymore...!

*** end ***

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