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by
Jim had made a big mistake in taking Blair for granted in the past. Not that many times, but often enough to remind him of the bitter taste it left, and of the time it needed to soothe his lover back to 'normal'. Not that there was anything very normal about his partner, his lifemate, his guide. Knowing how special and strong the bond between them was just made it worse. He had assumed Blair had nothing special planned for Christmas. He usually didn't. Certainly none that he discussed with him. So he was just hoping for something close and intimate. A homely holiday, why not? God knew how many they had missed. Each for a different reason, many before they had even met, in the 'real' sense. All the more reason for Blair's announcement to go skiing as a shock. It wasn't na invitation, not exactly. He had said something along the lines of "why don't you come? It'll be fun.". But Jim had been hurt. And he had shown his hurt ferociously. It had been about five days since he last spoke to Blair. Quite an achievement, considering they worked together, lived together, slept together... Even that last part had gone wrong. Jim refused any physical contact. So Blair moved out of their bed. Jim could swear he had heard him sob in their first night apart. Some nightmare, maybe. But who was kidding? Eventually Blair had become such a mix of desperation and exasperation that he passed Jim a note at work, like kids do, saying "YOU WIN. I'M NOT GOING." Instead of exhilaration Jim felt devastated. Blair needed him. Apparently more than Jim needed him. It shouldn't have come to this. Never. And he could only blame himself. At lunch he followed Blair to the cafeteria, desperately trying to apologize before something irreparable had happened between them.
"Blair?"
Blair looked up. His eyes were as alive as ever. Not full of anger, as they might very justifiably be. Just hurt. So deep. He remained in silence.
"Please? Look, Chief we need to talk. We shouldn't even be here. We're technically on leave already."
"So talk."
Didn't sound like Blair. That is, it did, but there was a sharp edge. Cold. This couldn't just be about Christmas skiing, surely.
"I need to know why you're so mad at me."
"This isn't the right place. Besides, I'm not mad at you. I'm just hurt. Just hurt..."
His eyes kept giving off all the signs. Being hurt was worse than angry. And it was Jim's fault that he was hurt.
They went home much earlier than usual. Silence between them. Christmas sounds and city noises all around. But only the silence seemed to matter, drowning everything else, slowly strangling emotions, thoughts, unspoken love.
"Blair I'm so sorry."
Jim had actually knelt on the floor at Blair's feet.
"Do you have any idea how these past days have been for me? Not being able to talk to you, to explain, to ask for forgiveness if that was what it took, not being able to touch you, to kiss you. You made me feel so... unworthy, I..." Blair started sobbing violently.
"I'm so sorry. Please don't... Shh... It'll be okay."
"You honestly thought I was going away without you?"
"But you were!..."
"It was a stupid think, OK? It was a surprise. Supposedly. Don't worry, I won't try to surprise you again now that I know what the punishment is..."
"A surprise? God... I... don't know what to say except... I love you. I love you so much."
"That's why you can't even bring yourself to talk to me, let alone touch me? I love you Jim. You're everything in my life. Everything! And you shut me out. You managed to find out where I was going but not that we were going together? Fine. But then you treat me like I'm shit. It's been like living with a stranger for you, hasn't it? Well for me it has been like being in isolation..." He regained some composure "And I've missed you so much babe. So much..."
"I thought you were so angry with me because I'd forced you to give in..."
"Force me? I was just tired. Scared of losing you. Wanting to feel you close to me again..."
"Does that mean you forgive me for being stupid?"
"If you'll forgive me for being stubborn."
Blair threw himself on top of Jim, pinning him to the floor, devouring him with kisses, unzipping his trousers and getting to work on Jim's cock with such voracity that the big guy was begging for mercy. In two minutes flat he was licking his own spunk off Blair's face and neck.
"You're a Sex-maniac, Blair!"
"Good thing! Means we're compatible, right?" and removing his clothes he shoved his own cock unceremoniously down Jim's mouth.
Later in bed it was almost impossible not to think of how this wasn't what folks usually meant by Christmas Joy. O well, it was Christmas, wasn't it? And it was Joy all the same, only more so...
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