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by
As Conner walked into Sullivan's Pub, she smiled because she knew tonight would bea fun survey.
Conner:Hi guys, you all ready for my next batch of homework?
Simon:We've not seen one thing from you, how do we know you're not just doing thisfor your own enjoyment?
Joel:Simon, Megan would never do that. Right babe?
Conner:Exactly, Joel. This is legit. Jim:So what is tonight's about?
Conner:Subject: You might have been in law enforcement too long if:
Blair:Shit, it's a riot just thinking about it.
Jim:Only you would think this would be funny. Law enforcement is not supposed to be funny.
Blair:But nine times out of ten it is.
Simon:That is so untrue, Sandburg.
Jim:I agree with Simon.
Blair:You would, you shit. Neither of youhave a sense of humor. And you wouldn'trecognize something funny, if it bit you in the ass.
Jim:That's harsh, Blair. I have a sense of humor.
Conner:Guys, guys... We haven't even started the survey yet and you're already arguing.
Simon:That's what old married people do.
Blair:Who you calling old?
Jim:Fuck you, Simon.
Conner:Okay, guys, lets start this. Lets let the other guys have a word to say for a change. You might have been in law enforcement too long if; you have the bladder capacity of five people.
Brown:Holy shit, this is so true. Man, I betw e'll all agree on this one.
Rafe:Yup, I agree with my partner.
Joel:I agree also. I think this might be aneasy one Megan.
Jim:Conner? Are you saying that only law enforcement people have good bladders?
Blair:Jim, when I started having to go on stakeouts with you, I about died. I had to learn to hold it big time.
Jim:Oh I get it now.
Blair:He's a little slow, but he's really good in bed.
Jim:Fuck you.
Blair:I hope so.
Rafe:God, they're starting already. You gotta love em.
Simon:I agree with everyone, now could we move on?
Blair:How do you know if Jim's good in bed?
Simon:You know damn well what I was talking about. God, you're cruising for a bruising, Sandburg.
Blair:Hey no one gets to bruise me but Jim.
Jim:Chief, I don't bruise you.
Blair:I know, but the look on their faces was worth the lie.
Simon:Could we move on now, Conner?
Conner:You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience.
Simon:Hell, this is almost always the case with me.
Rafe:Must be your attitude or something. Would you like Henry and me to find you a date?
Simon:No I don't want a date.
Brown:This isn't true for me.
Blair:You're into restraint?
Brown:Sometimes.
Simon:That's way more than we want to know about either of you.
Jim:This isn't true about me either.
Simon:Duh. The slut speaks.
Jim:Simon, kiss my ass.
Simon:I'm afraid that your partner might restrain me.
Joel:You know, it might just be me, but I feel like this is going downhill fast.
Conner:So Joel answer the question.
Joel:You know it's not true with us.
Jim:Simon, why aren't you calling them sluts?
Simon:Because you're just so much more fun to tease than Joel or Conner.
Joel:This might be a good time for the next one, Meg.
Conner:You got it big boy.
Jim:Oh geeze, get a room you two. They've just taken first place on the sweet talk.
Blair:Somehow I don't think of that as a good thing, Jim.
Jim:I'll tell you something sweet later.
Blair:Nah, it won't be the same.
Jim :Blair, don't do this.
Blair: Move on, Conner.
Jim: Fine, I love it when you restrain me, is that what you want me to say? Do you want me to tell them how hard I get just thinking about it?
Blair:No, I wanted you to tell me you loved me.
Jim:Oh... Well I do you know?
Simon:Okay, now that Ellison has successfully fucked himself, lets move on.
Conner:You believe at least 50% of people are a waste of skin.
Blair:Hell we don't need to be in law enforcement to think this.
Jim:I agree, but maybe it's a little worse with us, since we see all the badones.
Simon:I think this is true.
Joel:I agree with Simon.
Rafe:I think this on a daily basis.
Brown:I like to think that there is something good in everyone. Sometimes we just have to look deeper.
Jim:Okay, shrink time for Henry.
Brown:Hey at least I didn't just tell the group that I like to be tied up.
Jim:Shut up, Brown.
Blair:I think Brown is right. We all tend to not look deep enough in some.
Joel:Some of these people don't need to be having us look deep into them. They're too fucking rotten.
Conner:Oh man, I've never heard you get so passionate about something in the group.
Simon:What's up with this group shit? We actlike we're in therapy.
Rafe:Well I don't know about anyone else, but I feel like it is therapy.
Jim:Feels like it to me too.
Blair:Hey Jim, I love you too.
Jim:Thanks, hot stuff.
Rafe:God, they are so cute.
Conner:Yeah, they are.
Simon:I need a paper bag to throw up in.
Jim:Kiss my ass, Simon.
Simon:Do I need to remind you of who I am?
Jim:No, I know you're my friend, who's being an asshole today.
Joel:Okay, before they start punching each other's lights out, I just want to say,that I like when he says that to you, Simon.
Brown:Why?
Joel:Because sometimes you're just too uptight.
Rafe:Amen.
Simon:Enough about me lets move this thing along.
Conner:Your idea of a good time is an armed robbery at shift change.
Brown:Damn, but I love excitement at shift change.
Rafe:Me too. Jim:What are you guys nuts?
Blair:You do too, Jim. Admit it.
Jim:Okay maybe.
Blair:You all are adrenaline junkies.
Jim:And this is from the man that loves the roller coaster rides?
Blair:Yeah.
Joel:I prefer to have my shift change quiet.
Conner:I agree. Jim:Conner, who asked you?
Joel:She can say something if she wants to, Jim.
Jim:Sorry Joel.
Joel:Don't say sorry to me; say it to her.
Jim:Sorry Conner.
Conner:It's all right mate.
Blair: I'd like a ride on the roller coaster tonight.
Jim: you got it, baby.
Simon:We can still hear you. We're sitting a foot away from you.
Jim:Sorry.
Blair:We don't have to be sorry for being in love.
Simon:Could we bring this back around to the topic. Geeze, you all get so off topic it's not even funny. I like my shift change quiet. I've had enough years of rollercoaster. And I don't mean Jim's.
Rafe:Good one, Simon.
Brown: you're all so mean to Jim.
Simon:Then why are you laughing?
Brown:Because I'm not an idiot.
Blair:Well I see that the two oldest members of the squad like it quiet at shiftchange. The rest of us wantexcitement. We're not dead yet.
Conner:Sandy, take that back.
Joel:I can take care of myself Meg.
Blair:Sorry guys.
Simon:Could we get done so I can go to bed at a decent hour?
Blair:Old man alert. Old man alert.
Jim:Good one, Sandburg.
Simon:Sandburg, did I tell you that you're on the all weekend long stakeout?
Blair:Simon, I was joking.
Simon:Too late now.
Blair:Fuck...
Jim:Later.
Brown: you two are too much.
Conner:You call for a criminal history check on anyone who seems remotely friendly towards you.
Jim:I used to do this with anyone that came in contact with Sandburg.
Blair:I know and it pissed me off.
Simon:I do this all the time. If I think someone seems a little odd or different, I run a make on them.
Joel:Well it's nice to see what you guys do in your spare time.
Simon:Oh give me a break. You do this too.
Joel:All right, once.
Brown:I do it when someone new comes into the family.
Rafe:Same here. I don't want anysurprises.
Jim:Wow, do you realize that we just got through one without fighting ordisagreeing?
Simon:It's early yet.
Conner:Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal.
Blair:Okay, I have to say that if you all started discussing this during dinner, I'd have to leave.
Simon:Now we know how to get rid of him.
Joel:That's not nice, Simon.
Simon:But true.
Jim:A lot of people don't feel comfortable talking about things like that while they eat.
Conner:I'm one of them.
Blair:Yeah?
Conner:Yeah.
Blair:Thanks, Conner.
Jim:Wait a minute, Chief. I just stuck upf or you, why are you saying thanks to Conner?
Blair:Because you have to. She doesn't.
Jim:I have to?
Simon:Jim, that's one of the rules of being in love.
Jim:Were they posted somewhere?
Brown:God, you guys are funny.
Rafe:Yeah, Jim, they're posted on the wuss puss board.
Jim:I'll show you wuss puss, Rafe.
Rafe:Oh I'm scared.
Blair:Rafe. Knock it off.
Rafe:Make me.
Rafe:Ow.
Blair:I told you to knock it off.
Rafe:Who would have thought you'd grab my balls?
Jim:Chief, I don't want you grabbing anyone's balls.
Blair:Believe me, you're got nothing to worry about.
Conner:Oh god, Sandy, you're the funniest.
Rafe:I'm going to kick your ass when Jim isn't around.
Blair:Oh I'm scared.
Jim:Watch it Rafe, or I'll pull your balls off.
Simon:Okay, men. Lets calm down.
Joel:But it was just getting good.
Simon:Don't encourage them, Joel.
Rafe:It doesn't bother me to talk about gory things during meals.
Brown:Me either.
Simon:Conner, there's a lull. Move...
Conner:You find humor in other people's stupidity.
Simon:Now I know that this is in the job description.
Joel:I think you're right. God, I lovestupid people sometimes.
Rafe:They can be funny, but they're also a pain in the ass. Brown:I usually just find them funny. I try to find humor in everyone.
Jim:Who are you, Henry Sunshine?
Blair:Jim, knock it off. I think you're right Henry.
Jim:Fine. I'll try and find humor in more places from now on.
Blair:There's no need to be fucking sarcastic.
Rafe:Oh oh, he's using the F word.
Brown:Ellison, run, we'll cover ya.
Blair:I'm glad you all think this is so fucking funny.
Simon:See, this is an example of this survey question. Stupid people are everywhere.
Jim:Just who are you calling stupid, Simon?
Simon:You're all smart, figure it out.
Rafe:Screw you.
Brown:Yeah, what Rafe said.
Blair:Simon, I could say that same thing back to you.
Joel:Sit down, Simon. You're not going to touch him. Sit down Jim.
Blair:Jim, why do you think I can't take care of myself?
Jim:I know you can. I just don't like him talking to you like that. And I sure don't like him making nasty faces at you.
Blair:Baby that was a normal face. Apologize to him now.
Jim:Sorry Simon. S
imon:Fuck you, Ellison. God, why do we do this each week?
Conner:Because you all love me?
Joel:They better not. J
im:Don't worry about me.
Blair:Jim, that was mean.
Jim:I only have eyes for you, Chief.
Blair:God, you can be so sweet.
Simon:Gag me with a spoon.
Blair:Simon no one says that anymore.
Simon:Fine, fuck you, Sandburg.
Blair:Now Jim says that sometimes, but I tell him I prefer Blair in bed.
Simon:Oh god. Please get me out of this. there's no place like home.
Joel:Cute, Simon.
Rafe:Good one, Simon. Brown:you are such nuts, but I love that about ya.
Conner:You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac.
Simon:I think they should think about this.
Jim:I do, also.
Blair:You guys are always into the drug scene.
Rafe:Well, Prozac would help things I think.
Brown:I'm with Hairboy on this one.
Simon:You better stop hanging with Blair; you're becoming a wuss.
Blair:Fuck you.
Jim:You can later, okay?
Blair:Not a chance.
Jim:What did I do?
Blair:You know.
Jim:Because I don't agree about the Prozac thing, you're pissed off?
Blair:Figure it out, tough stuff.
Joel:I agree with Brown and Blair.
Simon:You would. Since you hooked up with Conner, you've been to the wuss puss class too.
Conner:I take great offense to that.
Simon:Oh suck it up, Conner.
Joel:It's okay, sweetie, they're just jealous.
Rafe:Yeah, we're just jealous.
Simon:Could we get done? Are we done yet?
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