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by
He stood before the alter. His appearance was that of a madman. He was usually so fastidious but he did not care how he looked.
He ran his fingers through his shorn hair. It used to be full of golden blonde curls. That hair was now collected and inside a golden jar. Standing before the statue of his God, he sought some answers if not solace.
Falling onto his knees with his hands clenched against his chest, he felt the pain within his heart.
Outside, the guards were on alert but they dared not enter and disrupt him.
He knew they were alerted, because many thought he had gone mad. He was mad.
Such grief and madness that makes your soul turn black.
His 'friends' thought he would hurt himself. How he wished it were that easy. He knew that being left behind was worse than death. However, he needed to be the one to praise and mourn the man's death.
His mind was jumbled. He felt only the pain in his heart. His eyes looked at the Ammon-Zeus statue, but he felt rage at the God.
"How I grieve my God. Why do you allow me to suffer so?" He said aloud but his voice was raspy from his earlier screams and lamentations.
"Oh mighty Zeus, Father of the Gods, why have you allowed the Fates to take my beloved? How could the Fates think it was his time to go? Were they not mistaken? We had so many plans for the future. We had more to learn. I have more lands to conquer and he by my side as it always has been!"
Once again he felt the hot painful tears slide down his face. They scorched and he slammed his fists onto his chest. He could not control the grief.
"Why, oh why? How have I, Alexander, displeased you for this most tragic of calamities to befall me? How am I to rule this world? How can I govern this Kingdom without him? Why do you allow me such grief, mighty Zeus? Why allow Hades such a noble and honorable figure?" He turned to look at the dead man lying there.
"Wake my beloved. Wake for your friend, and your companion. Wake damn you! Wake for your King! I command it!" He screamed at the dead body and shook it violently.
"Hephaistion, wake for me, my love!" Alexander ran his hand upon the blonde hair he had touched for so many years.
"Oh, the agony of knowing I shall not hear your voice again, my love. The many words of wisdom and love that I had grown accustomed to hearing. You were the first love I knew."
Alexander began to weep again and threw his body upon Hephaistion's corpse.
His dead lover's body was cold already but Alexander did not care. His lamentations could be heard around the camp. Many of the soldiers wept and mourned in unison with their King.
Alexander had not eaten for days, and he had not bathed. He refused the company of any of his soldiers or advisers. He only wanted this last opportunity to be with his lover.
"Hephaistion, my beloved and beautiful friend. I remember our first meeting. Both of us boys, and you were visiting the palace at Pellas. It was barely a week after I gotten my horse, Bucephalus. I remember thinking how tall you were compared to me, considering we were of the same age." Alexander's tears fell upon his dead lover's pale face.
He touched Hephaistion's blonde hair and looked upon the beautiful man's face. He could not stop touching him. He felt that not even death could steal away his friend's good looks.
"Gods be cruel, for even in death you are beautiful. Maybe the Gods were jealous of me, my love, and they demanded to have you among them? Did you hear me Zeus? Were you jealous of me?" Alexander screamed. "Maybe Zeus was jealous that I had such a beautiful companion. A lover whose honesty and loyalty is unmatched by any man." Alexander tried to find some reason for this untimely death.
Alexander wept again; he seemed to have a river of tears more abundant than the Nile itself. He would shed them until he had no more to give in honor of his lover's death.
"Listen, Hephaistion. How the men weep for you. So many of them feel the loss as I do. You were loved and honored by the soldiers. Those especially who know the love that is between men."
Alexander had sent word out to the temple in Siwa and asked them to find out if Hephaistion could be deemed a God. He wanted to die and know that he would meet his lover on Mount Olympus. Life without Hephaistion seemed like a nightmare but immortality without him was unthinkable. It was the only solace he had, and what kept him from driving a blade through his vein.
"My memories are all that I have now about us. In them I can remember what we had, my love. I can sense now what my ancestor Achilles had felt when his Patroclus was killed. How many times did we lie together naked upon my bed and read the stories? How their love would inflame our passion and we would mate hungrily. I would never let any man have me and my body like you did, never."
Alexander placed his face next to Hephaistion's cold cheek and closed his eyes. He wanted to escape the grief and recall the good times.
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A year earlier...
Alexander lay upon his bedding as the oil lamp glowed. The soldiers in the camp were well fed and content. They were relaxing after months of fighting and finally negotiating peace with Backtria. Alexander stretched his body, and did a few exercises to loosen the muscles. The night was cool and he felt good omens about him.
He heard a slight noise by his door and he knew it was his guards stopping someone who was nearing his tent. Alexander smiled for only one person would visit his person at this late hour. Alexander realized he was seeming a bit too eager for his visitor and decided to change his appearance. He quickly grabbed a book and pretended to read.
Alexander used to wonder why he had been so blessed? Not only was he given the ability to conquer the King of Persia, but he did it with the man he loved beside him.
He had always wondered what made him so fortunate to have befriended the young attractive boy. Alexander was always a bit shy and he knew that Hephaistion was popular and many were attracted to the boy. However, from the moment he saw that young, tall boy he was smitten. Hephaistion had loved him because of himself not because of his parentage.
Then when they were young men and students of Aristotle, it seemed Eros had heard his prayers and they were able to pledge their love to each other.
Together they found the beauty of physical love combined with emotional, spiritual love.
Nevertheless, tonight they were not boys, but men. Hephaistion was his friend, companion, lover; no man dared to separate them and no woman was worthy enough.
As he heard Hephaistion speak to the soldiers outside of the tent, he began to think about his wife. She was said to be with child. He had done his duty and it was a relief that no one could ever imagine. Only Hephaistion knew truly how he felt about the matter.
It was Hephaistion who had finally convinced him to do the deed. And to keep trying until it was done. Now, Roxanne was growing large in the womb with the heir of his throne. He had been told rumors of Roxanne's displeasure about his relationship with Hephaistion. He paid no heed to rumors, and she knew better than to act upon it.
For a moment Alexander felt a tinge of jealousy. He knew many of his own men probably lusted over Hephaistion themselves. Some of them, like the guards outside his door, were young and very pretty too.
Alexander smiled when he remembered how Hephaistion's beauty had gotten his lover mistaken as the King. That was evident by the Queen Mother of Darius III. When she was first introduced to Alexander, the only thing she heard of him was that he was blonde and a handsome man. When Alexander and Hephaistion arrived at her tent, the Queen threw herself at Hephaistion's feet, showing typical Persian etiquette.
Alexander had to fight back from laughing and his lover had only grinned at him. The mistake was valid. Hephaistion was inches taller than Alexander and had a beautiful mane of blonde hair. His face, too, was shaven and his eyes the color of sapphires. In many ways he was more beautiful than Alexander.
However that day the Queen had been mortified of her mistake. She was fortunate to come upon the famous Alexander sense of humor. For he winked at his lover, and grabbed the trembling Queen off the ground. Alexander remembered saying to her, " It's all right your Highness, for he TOO is Alexander."
Alexander was shaken from his reverie as he heard Hephaistion walk into his tent. Hephaistion did not knock, it was not expected from him. Alexander remained nonplussed and calm pretending to read his book.
"I hope I am not disturbing my Lord?" Hephaistion asked with a higher tone of graciousness than usual. Alexander could hear the playfulness in his tone.
"Oh my friend, of course not. Please take off your cloak, I am sorry I did not hear you. I was just reading. I was not sure if I was going to have your company tonight." Alexander said quite calmly.
Hephaistion laughed and walked over to Alexander. He grabbed the book and threw it on the bed. "Alexander you should not lie, it is bad form for the King of the World to be caught telling a lie." Hephaistion said teasingly.
"Lie? What makes you think I am lying?" Alexander said, he inclined his head to one side as was his habit.
Hephaistion pointed to the wine flask and the two cups that were there upon the table. He then looked at his friend, and both men laughed. Hephaistion ruffled the curls on his lover's head, as was his habit of over 12 years.
That night they took turns to reading aloud to each other from Alexander's favorite book by Homer. They each cried when it came upon the telling of Achilles' lover's death and then Achilles' own. Alexander prayed to the Gods for protection for his beloved. However, if it were that his lover should die upon the sword then he asked to follow.
Alexander looked upward at the ceiling of the tent. As if by telepathic understanding, Alexander turned to look at his friend. He knew that even after all these years Hephaistion was hesitant about approaching him for physical pleasure. He wondered why Hephaistion had not taken another lover after all these years. He knew he was not imaginative or exciting as a lover. He had suffered being afraid of physical love after seeing how it had ruined his father, King Phillip.
Now as King, he had taken wives as was his duty, and he even had a young boy slave for his pleasure. Neither could replace the love he felt for Hephaistion.
Not even his boy lover, who entertained him and could raise his lust, could hold his heart as Hephaistion. The young slave Bagoas was a master in the art of physical love and he taught Alexander the ways of male love as he had not known. However, he was only a slave and a child. His body would be sated but his mind and soul empty afterward. In the end he would walk outside the tent looking for his friend if only just to converse by moonlight.
Sometimes that search would end only in a few words and he wondered how Hephaistion remained so good-natured about the whole thing. Hephaistion understood it all because he understood him. His only comment about having the boy slave as a bedmate was, "You are Alexander the Great, why should you not have whatever you wished?" And then Hephaistion would smile and change the topic.
"Hephaistion?" Alexander said in a whisper. Both men were lying side by side on the King's bed.
His lover opened his eyes and looked at him. "What?"
"Do you love me Hephaistion?" Alexander asked. His voice had a tremor in it.
Hephaistion looked at the King; he felt such pain to know his King would still ask such a question. He knew the King was so afraid of not being loved. His parents were blamed for that. "I love you. I will love you even in death. I have always loved you Alexander." Hephaistion said.
"Touch me, my friend. Not as your King but as your lover and mate of so many years." Alexander's eyes were shiny with evidence of his growing lust. The look made Hephaistion feel a familiar stirring in his loins.
"Alexandros" he whispered and brought his lips upon the King's own. The kiss started out gentle and slowly gained more passion. Alexander knew he was now in the hands of Aphrodite and her mischievous son Eros. Alexander felt his passion was too great to control at this moment. His love for his friend was powerful.
Alexander could feel his lover's phallus. It was already standing hard and erect like his own. It now rubbed his thigh. He heard his lover moan.
Hephaistion raised himself on the bed and started to remove Alexander's chiton.
Alexander sensed Hephaistion's eyes looking upon his naked form. Was it possible that after so many years and battle scars, that his body ignited his lover's lust?
He knew his body was tan from the sun and nicely compact and strong. Alexander exercised daily and his body showed for it. The battle wounds upon the body were considered honorable. It gave the body a masculine look which other wise could be described as 'boyish'.
Alexander was hairless but for the golden curls surrounding his erect phallus. It was a small penis with a nice hairless sac underneath it. The Greeks would beg to sculpt it if they only knew how perfectly shaped it was.
As for Hephaistion's organ, it was somewhat larger than his own and impressionable when erect. But Alexander had never dared complain, for Hephaistion was gentle as a lover and he had only received much pleasure from it.
Alexander moaned when Hephaistion held his genitals in his palm. He closed his eyes trying to take hold of his lust. The King arched up within the palm that held him tightly. They kissed and Hephaistion continued to stroke Alexander's phallus.
He felt his manhood release a flow of seed. He watched as Hephaistion rubbed the head of the phallus and slicked it with its own nectar. Alexander moaned and his head moved side by side on the fur bedding.
Alexander's eyes came upon a shadow on the tent walls; he almost gasped when he saw the shadow with wings. By the gods, could it be Eros? Alexander closed his eyes, allowing the mischievous God to do his job.
Alexander began to spread his legs. Hephaistion would know exactly what that meant. He felt the sweat start to slide down his back, for it had been months since he was so wanton in his lust.
Alexander enveloped Hephaistion's body as it laid upon his own. They were organ to organ. Their fluids helped ease the friction they created between themselves. They said words of love and endearments to each other in whispers only. They knew the walls had ears and the guards were near.
Suddenly, Alexander could control himself no longer and pushed Hephaistion off his body. He rolled upon his belly and offered himself to his lover. The offer was plain and simple. The need was great and the decision made quickly.
He heard Hephaistion mutter a prayer to the Gods and quickly grabbed the delicate oil Bagoas had taught Alexander to use for these pleasures.
He held back from speaking for fear his voice would be too loud and the guards would hear too much.
He turned his head to watch Hephaistion rub the oil upon his hard organ. It filled the room with a pleasant scent. Alexander had allowed only one man ever to take him this way. He could not understand why but he could see it no other way with Hephaistion.
It was something that many in his army would frown upon if they knew their King was upon his belly about to be sodomized. As young men Alexander made that decision. Only once had Hephaistion made the suggestion for Alexander to take him.
Alexander was offended and shocked that Hephaistion would suggest such a thing. That night Alexander had whispered that he could not bear to play a part in their mating that was never meant to be his. Alexander told Hephaistion that he was the only person ever to do this to him.
He knew Hephaistion was glad when he took the boy slave as his bedmate when they were apart. There were suspicions always when a man played the submissive part in male to male loving. It was frowned upon greatly. They considered the submissive role tolerable, but to be played by young men, boys, or women only.
However, for a King to lay down as a woman, it was scandalous. Many of the men around Alexander were glad when he wed and when he took the young Persian catamite. It cemented a more 'masculine' image of himself among his soldiers.
Alexander could feel Hephaistion's fingers as they now oiled his entrance. Then he felt the oiled phallus against his orifice. Then with one bite upon his shoulder he felt Hephaistion drive inside his body. Alexander felt Hephaistion fill his body with his manhood. The pain was searing but bearable. He felt an ecstasy he could never comprehend fully.
The pain quickly turned into incredible pleasure. A pleasure deep inside his body that made his own phallus hard and throbbing. Alexander, although smaller than the other man, began to buck underneath his lover. He felt Hephaistion grip his arms and continue his steady motion in and out of his body.
Alexander could only grunt and moan now. He was beyond comprehensible words.
It seemed their mating and union would go on forever. However, soon enough Alexander felt the need to release his seed. He bit his lip until it bled so as not to cry out too loudly.
They were soon erupting the heaviness they felt in their sacs. He could feel Hephaistion explode inside his body, the thick seed in so much abundance that it began to drip slowly outside his body too. Alexander spilled his own on the bedding underneath him.
The guards outside the tent blushed and trembled hearing their King and his companion mating inside. They felt privileged and one of the boys couldn't wait for his duty to end to join with his own lover in camp.
Alexander usually collapsed with exhaustion after mating. The emotional and physical sensations too great and the King worked too hard. He felt Hephaistion clean him up with gentleness.
He could relax knowing that Alexander was watching over him. It was but a few hours before dawn and Alexander feigned sleep as he watched Hephaistion dress.
As his lover was about to leave the young slave Bagoas appeared. Bagoas knew all to well what transpired that evening. He looked at the handsome soldier quickly and then prostrated himself at the man's feet.
"Oh no Bagoas, that is not required for me. Get up." He heard Hephaistion say nicely to the boy. Alexander knew that Bagoas had thought that Hephaistion would have had him killed and did not fully understand why that was never going to happen. They both truly loved him and that helped them become allies rather than enemies.
"Care for him Bagoas, I must leave now. " Alexander heard Hephaistion tell Bagoas. How prophetic those words would turn out to be.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Alexander? Alexander?" a small voice called out to him.
Alexander was snapped out of his reverie. He had warned that no one was to disturb him. He should have known that only one person would disobey that order. It was Bagoas. No longer a boy actually but a young man.
Bagoas looked at his beloved King and he knew the rumors were true. The King was mad with grief. He now caught the King sobbing and muttering on the dead body of his lover.
It was unholy to be so close for so long among the dead. Bagoas knew that the King needed to bury the body before its shade called him to follow. The King needed to be cleaned from his tainting. The look in the King's eyes was torture to see.
The barbarian Gods were cruel to have taken the beautiful Hephaistion. Bagoas had torn his hair and his clothing in mourning and respect. He screamed and did the Persian rituals expected in times of grief. He grieved not for the man who was laying now cold and only an empty shell but for the King who was left behind. The man he loved.
"My Lord Aleskander you must listen to me please." Bagoas entreated. He stepped closer to both men.
"Sweet Bagoas, look what has become of my beloved. See what death has done to him...and to me." Alexander said, his voice now sounded weary.
"My Lord, you hold back his shade. He must have the funeral rites and he must be laid to rest. My Lord Aleskander, he must be allowed to go to his place in the next world. You would not want to have him lose his way? You would not do that to your beloved's spirit?"
Bagoas said gently and grabbed the King's arm. Bagoas was either going to die now or the Gods would help him. "I beg you Aleskander, it is time now to let him get his final rest. They are waiting outside now. The men are here to care for his soul and body."
Alexander looked at Bagoas, the boy's face was haggard and full of true sadness.
He then looked down at Hephaistion's dead body. He knew the Persian slave was right. The moment to let go had arrived. Alexander now needed to be strong and do what was right and honorable for his friend.
He kissed the cold lips for the last time. He stood up holding the slave's hand. Alexander held Bagoas' hand as he walked out the tent. As he did, the priests and caretakers rushed inside to try to appease Hephaistion's shade for the wait. Alexander's men watched as the King headed toward his own tent.
Finally, after so many days, Alexander had gotten word from Siwa that although Hephaistion could not be considered a God, he would be given the status of Hero. So this assured him that his lover would be among the Gods waiting for him when his time came.
With the help of architects and builders, Alexander would construct the greatest funeral pyre and chariot for Hephaistion's body. He would take it to Babylon for its final resting place.
Each step he took laid weary on his soul. Then one night as he slept fitfully he dreamed he saw Hephaistion. His lover smiled and said, "I shall see you soon, Alexander. Come to Babylon quickly, my love, I shall wait for you there."
And so he did. After arriving in Babylon and only 8 months after Hephaistion's death did Alexander too, die suddenly. Alexander the Great joined his lover among the stars and Gods.
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