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I tried. I really did. All it took was one too many heart shatteringly erotic dreams about Mike, and I made a decision. I wasn’t going to ruin a friendship by wanting something I couldn’t have. I can’t have Mike in my bed, I can accept that. But I can have him in my life. And I’ll do whatever I have to in order to keep him there, even take out an ad in the personals.
So decision made. For friendship between Mike and I to be enough, I needed to redirect my romantic interests. I tried. I resorted to putting an ad in the personals and went out on the first date I’ve had in years. So you can’t say I didn’t try, because I did. And where the fuck did it get me? Arrested, that’s where. Arrested for murder.
The first date I’ve had in years and what happens? I get the "there’s no spark, lets just be friends" line. Well, as if that’s not enough to crush what little self-esteem I had left and wreck the first attempt at dating I’ve made in years - many, many years.
Anyway it wasn’t enough to get dumped. Fate, Murphy, and their sadistic cousin Destiny had to step into the mix and see just how much they could screw with my life. I swear it’s a conspiracy. And you know it’s not being paranoid if they really *are* out to get you.
Where was I? Oh yeah, my date doesn’t just dump me, she goes and gets murdered by her nut-case girlfriend. And not two minutes after I walk out the door, she gets stabbed. Stabbed with the knife I used to open the wine bottle at dinner. So who gets blamed for it? You guessed it, yours truly. They say I’m a murderer. Well *they* don’t know what the hell they’re talking about. But that doesn’t stop that prick Seattle cop from arresting me and taking over the case, does it?
I get tossed in jail; my office gets taken over by some by-the-book suit-and-tie; Ellie pulls a major guilt trip for doing her job; and Mike - man oh man - Mike throws one of the biggest fits I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen him throw quite a few. I’m behind bars getting my pillows fluffed and lunch order taken, telling Ellie she’s got nothing to be sorry for, and trying to figure out how I’m gonna catch the real killer. Then Mike shows up, and with the way he was acting, I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
Except for taking a time out to call Ellie a traitor, he completely ignored her. It was kinda sweet, in an irritating way, that he took my side and got all protective. But it wasn’t Ellie’s fault. I couldn’t get mad at her. I couldn’t get mad at Mike either. Tried to. Tried to yell at him for getting it in his head to play cop. I yelled, but it sounded more indulgent than angry.
Than he goes and brings up the one subject we’ve been doing our best to avoid: the book. That stupid book, that's caused so many problems. And he doesn’t defend his book, the jerk. No, he apologizes for it. He doesn’t even have the decency to do it all sarcastic and annoying like, so we could play macho tough guys and laugh if off. No, not Mike. Mike can’t do anything the easy way. He gets all solemn and sincere. Can you guess what that did to me? It’s hard enough not to jump him when he’s being irritating. But this caring, apologetic Mike makes me a tad weak in the knees and turns me into a total sap.
I meant what I said about the last five years not being able to ruin the first twenty-one. They say friends bring the most joy and the most pain into your life. So I guess maybe *they* do know what they’re talking about. Because that definitely describes Mike and I. He has always been my best friend, and always been there for me. He still is. Even when "being there" means committing a felony by impersonating a police officer, and then confessing to murder when he discovered he wasn’t as good a cop, as he is a writer.
I couldn’t really get mad at him for doing it though. He was just being Mike: too smart and too impulsive for his own good. It worked, gotta give him that. I was free to investigate. Also, I got an idea of how it’s been for Mike since he’s been back. Having lunch with that psycho and letting her take pot-shots at my life, that was hard. And yeah, it did hurt a bit. But you know, the digs about Mike hurt just as much. I was so caught up in feeling sorry for myself, I didn’t realize I wasn’t the only one having a tough time.
I’m feeling kinda guilty about that. I should have seen what was going on. He acts like things couldn’t be better, but I should of known. Mike never hesitates giving you his opinion and he always puts on a good show, but he rarely shows what he’s really feeling. He keeps his deep feelings, well, down pretty deep. They don’t get put on display for anybody to see, but I’m not just anybody to Mike. He’s definitely proved that during this whole mess.
Speaking of the mess, it’s finally over and everybody came out okay. Well, Mostly okay. That weasel from the paper was a little upset about being arrested for a murder he didn’t commit. I didn’t much like it either. The idiot from Seattle left, so that’s good. I get a few days off of work to recuperate, that’s good too. But as you can tell, it’s also given me way too much time to think. Think and remember about Mike mostly. About the things he said. Things about friendship. One thing in particular I don’t even have to try to remember, because I don’t think I’m ever gonna forget it.
I overheard him talking to Ellie in the bar, talking about friends and lovers. I heard him tell her that, "They say friends make the best lovers." I know he meant Ellie and him as lovers, but after all the talking Mike and I did about our own friendship, I can’t help but take that sentence to heart.
It’s doubtful Mike and I will ever be more than friends. But I can hope, and wish, and definitely dream. You never know, it could happen. After all, I have it on the authority of my opinionated, irritating, impulsive, and sarcastic best friend - and the all-wise *they* - "that friends make the best lovers."
I think I just might want to hear more of what *they* say.
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