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The look on Tao's face was one of bitter betrayal that Dar could not rid himself of. Tao's mouth twisted with anger and betrayal, aimed at Dar, something never seen before in all their time together. Dar hadn't meant to shove him so hard. Had not meant to shove him at all. He'd just been going to move Tao out of the way so he could reach the tiger statue with the ball.
But his hand had slammed into Tao's chest and sent him crashing to the ground. Instead of helping Tao up by offering his hand, Dar had been forced to leave him there as betrayal smeared the normally gentle features. Tao had gotten in his way a second time as well. He had stood firm in the face of Dar bearing down upon him as strong and unmovable as the tiger statue from which Tao was trying to keep him.
That wasn't the worst of it though. That he'd knocked Tao down a second time wasn't nearly as bad as Dar kicking over the massive tiger icon and nearly crushing Tao in the process. Dar's eyes closed painfully, remembering the sight of Tao barely making it out of the way before the stone tiger landed heavily on the ground where Tao had been.
He had the grateful thanks of the Queen. Dar had, after all, shown her the treachery of her first in command. A nation was now changing their bloody customs because of Dar and Tao's intervention. King Zad had found no ally in Chalka because of Dar. Nomar had been saved from a certain death. Everything had come out well in the end.
Except for Tao. He'd told Tao that they were mates, that this was forever and now it seemed as though his words, and his will, were being sorely tested. Dar glanced across the fire to where Tao lay in the grass with his back to the fire, his back to Dar. Sighing, Dar knew he would find no sleep until this matter was cleared. He also knew that he wouldn't be waking Tao, not from the tension evident in the healer's back. "Tao."
Silence.
"Tao, I know you're awake," Dar said. "Talk to me."
Tao turned over, his eyes dark in the reflecting firelight. "What do you want me to say Dar?"
"That things will be all right between us. That you don't hate me," Dar exclaimed softly, painfully. Tao's face was cold in the faint light, cold and unfamiliar.
"Dar, I don't hate you. I'm angry with you. Furious with you, yes, but I don't hate you," Tao answered, sitting up.
"But why are you angry? I don't understand," Dar said helplessly. "You know I didn't mean to hurt you."
"I know that, Dar. That's not why I'm angry," Tao replied. He rubbed at his eyes then began again. "Dar, in the game, we started out on the same side even though you wore the red scarf and I did not. Then you changed sides. You.you were working only for yourself and the game. It didn't matter that I got in your way. You didn't try to include me in what you were thinking. We've been in more dangerous situations than that and you've always managed to let me know what you were going to do. This time you did not. You chose.you didn't choose me."
For that, Dar had no ready answer and in the silence directly after, Tao murmured, "And then you almost killed me." The words were so soft that he almost missed them in the crackle of the campfire. Anguish filled him and he didn't know how to cross the darkness between them. "Tao, I am so sorry. I didn't know you were still there, I told you that!"
"I know. But Dar, that's what bothers me. You always know where I am, or you did anyhow. Something changed Dar, something became more important to you than us and in that instant, you lost me," Tao stated calmly.
"No, Tao, no I refuse to accept that!" Dar exclaimed. "We can fix this. I know we can."
"I don't think we can, Dar," Tao countered.
Dar was frightened by the lack of emotion on Tao's face. Tao always felt everything so deeply, too deeply most of the time. Desperate, he asked, "Tao, what can I do? There must be a way."
"Not necessarily."
Dar jumped to his feet at the new voice, grabbing his staff and spinning towards the voice in one fluid motion. He relaxed only slightly upon seeing the Sorceress standing a short distance away. "What do you want?"
"To help you," she replied, stepping forward. The firelight caught her golden hair, even pulled back as severely as it was.
Dar looked back at Tao and found his lover lying down, back to the fire as though the entire conversation hadn't just happened. Which, looking at the Sorceress, Dar had to assume that it hadn't.
"He's quite right, you know," she commented, standing besides the fire to look down at Tao fondly.
"About what?"
"Something did change in that game."
Dar looked at her cautiously. "Nothing changed."
"Then why did you almost kill the man who is supposed to be your.best friend, I believe the term is?" the Sorceress asked.
"Because I." Dar stopped, not knowing what to say. "I don't know why."
"Shall I tell you why?" she offered.
"Won't that be interfering?" he asked bitterly.
Shrugging faintly, she replied, "Perhaps. But you're of no use to anyone like this so I do not think the Ancient will mind."
Running a hand through his hair, Dar tossed his staff back onto the ground and sat. "Then tell me. What changed?"
Bringing up one hand she ticked off two long, elegant fingers as she spoke. "Two things that I noticed. One, you became caught up in the heat of competition and the need to finish the game regardless of the consequences. Two, you let your fear rule you."
"Fear? What fear?" Dar asked.
Arching an eyebrow, the Sorceress said, "I can't tell you everything, Dar, that would hardly be fair."
In a blink she was gone and Dar was left with even more questions than he'd started with. He stared at Tao's back for long minutes then sighed and lay down. He knew answers would be long in coming that night, if ever, and stared up at the sky.
All Tao could see was Dar coming at him. He'd thought for certain that Dar would do something, jump over him or something, but no, Dar had rammed into him and Tao had gone down. It wasn't so much the physical blow that hurt but that Dar had dealt it. Well okay, the blow had hurt too, it was a few seconds before Tao could breathe and then it was drawing each breath with a pain to his chest.
Then the second time! Adding insult to injury, he'd gone down just as quickly, no matter that he'd tried to dig his heels into the ground. Dar had been like a man possessed. Lying on the ground, Tao had seen nothing at that moment but the statue toppling over to crush him. Barely scrambling out of the way, Tao had stared at Dar, unable to keep the betrayal from his face, knowing that Dar had overturned the icon. He'd immediately joined the group surrounding Dar to protect him from the soldiers, even through his burning anger.
Now they weren't even speaking. After an abortive talk where Dar had tried to apologize for his actions in the game, they had gone with the Queen to free the tigers. They went on their way but the travel had been silent. Once stopped for the night, Dar had simply sat by the fire, staring into the flames, deep in thought.
Sighing, Tao was about to turn over and have it out with Dar when he heard voices. The Sorceress and Dar. He listened carefully, not revealing his wakefulness. When she vanished, Tao heard Dar sigh and lay down to sleep. He cautiously turned over, looking at Dar through the dying flames. Dar was on his back, staring at the sky and obviously in pain. Well, not obvious to anyone else perhaps, but Tao could see it.
He could see it and ached to ease it but didn't know how. He was hurt as well. Hurt, and betrayed on top of that. Dar had almost killed him and that wasn't something he could easily get over.
"You think too much," a woman's voice whispered in his ear.
Startled, he jerked upright, looking for the source and finding nothing, of course; it had been the Sorceress. Why did she take such an interest in them?
"Tao? Are you all right?" Dar asked quietly.
"Fine," Tao answered shortly, seeing that Dar had now turned towards him. Dar flinched which shocked Tao. What shocked him more was the single tear that spilled from Dar's eye. He wouldn't have seen it at all but the flames had suddenly spiked. More interfering from the Sorceress, he wondered.
"Did you, did you want to talk about something?" Dar asked hesitantly.
"We said everything before," Tao commented.
"I was, I was hoping that we could talk more."
"Why? You did what you always do, Dar," Tao grew angry as he spoke and his voice rose. "You acted first without a thought for me. We've been in more dangerous situations than that and you've always managed to let me know what you were going to do. This time you did not. You chose.you didn't choose me."
"No, Tao, I don't know what happened in that ring but that wasn't it!" Dar insisted, leaning forward.
Tao tensed as he asked, "Do you still love me?"
Dar's jaw dropped in shock. "Tao, you know I do!"
"Do I? Dar, you almost killed me today," Tao said flatly. For some reason, Dar seemed to crumble at that simple, emotionless statement. There were no tears, no wailing, nothing to show that Dar was dying inside except the emptiness that entered his eyes. Tao suddenly saw himself reflected in those eyes and didn't like what he saw. He was cold and bitter, angry and unreachable.
"I'm sorry, Tao. In the morning I'll.I'll leave," Dar said simply.
Tao watched him lie back down, turning over, turning his back to Tao. He seemed small and in pain, holding himself. Tao's eyes closed painfully. This was his fault. Dar was in pain because of him, because of his anger. He remembered something his mother had said once and almost cried as he realized what she'd been trying to tell him.
"Never use your strength to hurt someone, Tao, words are the cruelest of all weapons."
`What have I done?' he thought in anguish. Too much thinking, too many harsh words. Why had he said all that? It didn't matter what Dar did because Tao loved him. `Stupid, stupid!' he castigated himself.
Moving quietly, Tao crossed the short distance to kneel behind Dar. Putting his hand on Dar's shoulder was the hardest thing he'd ever done. The flinch from Dar confirmed that things were as bad as they were ever going to get. The connection to Dar at the touch brought home what he might have destroyed and he whispered, "Dar, I'm sorry."
Shifting to his back, Dar looked up at him wordlessly. Tao leaned down to cover Dar's mouth with his own. For a moment, Dar didn't respond and Tao closed his eyes fearfully. Then Dar groaned and pulled him down the rest of the way, clutching to him and responding fiercely. Lost in the whirl of need and urgency to reconnect, they spun perilously close to the fire. Though right then, Tao didn't care if he got burned as long as Dar forgave him his cruelty.
Dar noticed however, as he always did, and stopped the rolling around. He settled on top of Tao and brought the kissing to a slow, sweet end.
"Please don't leave me Tao."
"Dar, I'm so sorry, forgive me?"
They laughed a bit for speaking over each other's words then Tao pulled Dar down once more. This time he simply held Dar, entwining his legs with Dar's and wrapping his arms around Dar's neck, burying his face in the hollow of his throat. They stayed like that for a long time. Tao was content to remain like that forever but Dar pulled back with a murmur, "I must be crushing you."
"I don't mind," Tao said honestly.
"I do," Dar replied, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. "I've caused you enough damage today."
Tao remained silent as Dar's fingers lightly traced the bruised marks he had left in Tao's body from the game. "I forget my strength sometimes," Dar murmured, kissing each bruise tenderly.
"So do I," Tao agreed with a rueful grin. "I should have moved."
"You shouldn't have needed to," Dar disagreed.
"I knew what was going on, Dar, I knew what you would do. I should have moved," Tao said firmly. "You were thinking. You were thinking about how best to protect as many of us as you could. The fact that you couldn't spare me should not have hurt my feelings. If I was dumb enough to stand in your way then I was dumb enough to get knocked down."
Dar tried to protest but Tao covered his mouth in another kiss. Despite his position, Tao dominated the kiss, keeping Dar exactly where he was and apologizing for his behavior with every second that passed. Finally Dar relaxed into the kiss, accepting both the apology and Tao's reasoning. When the kiss finally ended, he looked into Tao's saddened eyes and he asked, "What's wrong?"
"I wish I hadn't let it get that far. I hurt you so badly," Tao said, his voice catching.
"No more than I did you," Dar said softly.
"Why did you.why did you knock over the icon?" Tao asked hesitantly.
"I was so angry, Tao," Dar answered, realizing the truth as he spoke it. "I was angry that we had been forced into that game. Angry that the Chalkans were shouting at us to kill each other. Angry that they had subverted the strength of the tiger into something bloodthirsty and evil. And mostly so very angry that you had been hurt in that game, that I was the one to hurt you. That statue was everything all wrapped up in one and all I wanted was to destroy it. Oh Gods, Tao, if you hadn't gotten out of the way in time! If you had died.because of me.I couldn't bear that!"
"Shh, it's all right," Tao comforted, pulling Dar close again. This time the tears came and Tao knew his own mingled with his lover's, even as he tried to comfort Dar. "I'm fine, Dar. We're both fine."
He repeated those two things over and over until finally Dar quieted, as did he. Dar grew heavy in his arms and Tao knew that he slept. He saw that the sun was showing the first rays of dawn and closed his arms. His own eyes drifted shut, hot and dry from the tears. Tao could only hope that the game was forever behind them because he didn't know if they could survive something like that again.
"You interfered," the Ancient One hissed angrily.
The Sorceress shrugged. "Not terribly. Just a few words here and there."
"It was enough! Why do you insist that they remain together when fate obviously has other ideas?" he spat.
"Fate? Or you?" she challenged.
His eyes narrowed, calm overtaking him, and he commented, "They are most times one and the same. Do not forget your place here, my dear. You are not their guardian angel, you are my student and you will obey me or suffer your predecessor's fate."
She kept silent, watching as he spun around and stalked away. She moved to the scrying bowl and moved her hand over it to bring up the BeastMaster and Tao. They were locked together in a sleeping embrace looking for all the world as though they were one being. Her fingers traced the air over their image and she sighed, glancing back to where the Ancient One had disappeared.
Her whisper carried through the water to reach the two men's dreams. "You shall have a guardian angel for as long as I can manage it."
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