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"But what did I do?" Dar asked quietly, gently stroking Tao's soft, dark hair. Except for the confusion inside, he was very comfortable, resting against a large tree with Tao's head in his lap. They were alone for the first time in far too long and now Tao said he wanted to be without Dar as well.
Tao sighed, opening his eyes to squint up at Dar. "Nothing Dar. It isn't you, truly. I just need some time alone to think and that includes being without Ruh or Sharak watching over me. We've been traveling non-stop for over cycle now. First was that brush with the Terrons, then King Zad and his hunters and lastly helping to heal those villagers from the mysterious fever. I just need.I need to hear myself think again."
"How long do you need?"
Tao hesitated. "I don't know."
Dar frowned, looking into the surrounding jungle as though he could pierce it's dark depths. They had camped in the only clearing in the area, near a large pond fed by an underground river. It was still summer, though later in the season, and both men were mostly naked, though of course that was Dar's natural state. Tao, however, was reduced to wearing only the cloth breechcloth that was usually under his pants.
Dar watched a trickle of sweat slide from Tao's chest to his navel, wondering if he could distract them both by following the path with his tongue. He knew that it would only delay the inevitable, and so said, "If that's what you need to do then of course you should do it."
Tao shifted so that he was half-sitting up and half-draped across Dar, one of his hands cupping Dar's face. "Thank you."
Smiling, Dar replied, "You're welcome. I will wait here for you."
Tao moved forward and pressed his lips lightly to Dar's. The kiss was long and sweet and shortly after their tongues began to touch and circle, Dar drew back. Tao opened his eyes and asked, "What?"
"Nothing. Just.the sooner you leave, the sooner you return," Dar said softly, searching his friend's eyes.
Startled, Tao said, "You mean leave now?"
"I thought the point was for you to be alone," Dar answered.
Tao couldn't argue because that was exactly the point. He'd just somehow envisioned them making love throughout the rest of today and even into the night. It hadn't occurred to him to leave right away. "Oh, um, sure. I mean yes, it is. And you're right, of course, the sooner I leave, the sooner I come back."
Dar watched as Tao stood then got to his feet and pulled Tao into a tight embrace. "Take care of yourself, Tao. I'll be waiting."
Tao savored the strong arms around him, holding just as tight to Dar and pressing his lips to Dar's throat before reluctantly pulling away. "I will. You be careful as well."
"I'm not the one always finding trouble," Dar pointed out with a smile.
Tao laughed. "It finds me, remember? See you soon, Dar."
Dar watched Tao walk into the jungle, surprised that he wasn't taking either his shoulder-pack or clothes but didn't comment. It probably had to do with an Eiron custom he didn't know about. Dar was sorely tempted to send one of the animals after Tao to keep an eye on his lover but knew Tao would be insulted and, even worse, hurt by Dar's lack of faith.
Sighing heavily, Dar was about to lie back down for a nap when Tao popped back out of the foliage and grinned at him, wildly waving a goodbye. Dar laughed and waved back then Tao disappeared back into the trees.
"I remember this being easier," Tao grumbled, hopping on one foot while he picked out a large splinter from the bottom of the other. Leaving everything behind, his belongings and most of his clothing signified his intent to leave behind the distractions of every day life.
So far all it had managed to accomplish was to give him a sunburn and pained feet.
He had remembered the way back to a simple alter they had passed a couple of days earlier, one he had been drawn to though they hadn't spent any real time there. His thoughts centered around Dar, as they usually did, on the long walk back to the alter. Or more accurately, on his relationship with Dar.
Life was strange, he mused, finally plucking out the splinter with relief. He looked carefully at the ground before sitting because he didn't want a splinter in his backside to match. His back rested against the cold stone and his head thunked solidly against the wall, sending a sharp pain through him. It was almost a welcome sensation in this bland existence he'd discovered.
Life with Dar was many things but bland wasn't one of them. Dangerous, definitely, almost to an extreme. Fast-paced as well, always on the move from place to place. There was no time for self- enlightenment most of the time and that was something he'd thought that he'd missed. The main reason he'd chosen to go on this retreat. Tao had thought he was losing touch with himself and the Eiron way.
Yet now he wasn't so certain. He thought about the many times that he and Dar simply existed, either holding each other in silence or walking quietly while one or the other pointed things out on their path along the way. Wasn't this a form of enlightenment in itself, Tao wondered idly. It felt like it.
He sighed, missing being held by Dar. Tao knew he shouldn't be thinking of his lover but couldn't help it. They were such a part of each other that it was difficult to go more than an hour or two before something reminded him of his friend.
"Hello."
Startled by the voice, Tao stood and spun towards it. He found a young boy of around ten years standing hesitantly beyond the alter, almost in the mouth of the cave. He was slight and frail looking but not unhealthy or overly thin. "Hi. Uh, can I help you? Are you in trouble?"
The boy smiled, blue eyes lighting with interest as he looked Tao over. "No. I was just playing and saw you there. You look like you need help."
Tao smiled and admitted ruefully, "Maybe I do."
"What with?" the boy asked, sitting on the alter.
Tao opened his mouth to tell him to get off the alter then shrugged. Plainly the boy lived nearby and was comfortable in this holy place. It might even be his family's religion and who was he to tell the boy what to do anyhow? "I'm not sure."
"Then how do you know you need help?"
Tao frowned. That was a surprisingly good point. "My people are scattered, many of them killed by the blood priests so there aren't many of us left."
"That's happened a lot," the boy said seriously.
"I know," Tao agreed. He sat on the ground, pulling his knees up to his chest, slowly speaking out what was bothering him. "I feel like I should be helping my people regroup, to become what we were or something better but I'm not."
"Why not?" the boy asked curiously.
Grinning faintly, Tao answered, "I'm not sure of that, either. See, I'm traveling with a friend and he's.special.both to me and to the world. I want to be with him, not around people who don't want my help."
"How do you know they don't want your help? Did you ask them?"
Tao shook his head after a long, silent moment. He hadn't. After Kim's death, he had simply left without looking back at Xinca and the painful memories associated with it. He remembered many people coming to him just after Kim's taking power of Xinca; coming to him for help and advice on many things. Perhaps they wouldn't have dismissed him just because of his brother's actions.
"Why do you think traveling with your friend isn't what you were meant to do?" the boy asked, interrupting his thoughts.
"What do you mean?"
With the clarity only children possess, the boy grinned and said, "Maybe you are meant to meet and change other people while having great adventures with your friend. You seem to like helping people you don't know."
Tao chuckled. "I guess I do."
"My father says we have more than one path sometimes and making them, um, work together can be hard but it's worth it."
"He sounds like a wise man, your father," Tao commented.
The boy nodded proudly. "He is. I think he would tell you that teaching other tribes about your people is as important as helping your people directly."
"You're pretty wise yourself," Tao observed with a smile. He let go of his legs and stood, walking closer to the alter and the boy.
The boy practically beamed. "Thank you. So I helped you?"
"Very much, thank you," Tao said. "There are things I still need to consider but you've pointed out a few things to me that I hadn't thought of."
"Good. Can I ask you something now?"
"Sure."
"Do you know which path you're going to choose?"
The innocent and honest question stymied Tao for a moment and he looked away, contemplating the query. Several things ran through his thoughts at once, almost overwhelming him with their intensity and demand. His need for Dar was the most insistent, jumping to the front and knocking aside the need to help his people. When all was said and done, his people could do very well without him, as much as he might smooth their return to Xinca.
Dar, on the other hand, had never disguised nor hidden his need for Tao. If he were going to be honest with himself, Tao would have to admit that he needed Dar far more than he needed the Eiron. Dar completed him in so many ways and they balanced each other in so many more.
Balance and self-enlightenment were the Eiron way. By staying with Dar, he was being most true to his people and his path.
The realization blazed through his doubts and guilt like a forest- fire and he smiled broadly before returning his gaze to the boy to answer his question. To his shock, the boy was gone. "Hello? Uh, where are you?"
Silence was his only answer and Tao swallowed uneasily. He moved a little closer to the alter and his throat went dry as he saw the heavy dust undisturbed by the boy's weight. Under the dust and dirt was a carving and as he brushed aside the grime, he could make out a surprisingly accurate rendering of the boy standing with, Tao assumed, his father.
He also found several Eiron carvings along the edges of the alter and smiled faintly. "Thank you for showing me the way."
Tao turned to go and heard a whispered, "Love and be true."
Excellent advice for anyone, Tao mused as he began the walk back to where Dar would be waiting for him.
Dar took a running leap off the cliff and hung suspended in mid-air for a moment before flipping his body over and positioning himself for his dive into the water far below. Just as he neared the water, he caught a glimpse of Tao waving wildly from shore and lost his concentration. The water slapped him for his carelessness, hard and excruciating, before reluctantly giving way to pull him under.
Groaning in pain, Dar scissor-kicked his way to the surface, breaking into the air with a heaving gasp for the air that had mostly been knocked out of him. He stayed buoyed on the water for a long moment then started the swim to shore where Tao was waiting for him, the grin on his face evident even from this distance.
Dar's mood lightened considerably upon seeing that grin. He hadn't even realized just how missing from his friend's face it had been until just now. Of course, with all the death and pain and hardship they'd been witness to over the last season, Kim's death especially, it wasn't surprising. To see it now was like a shining beacon and Dar unconsciously sped his strokes to get back to shore even quicker. Finally, Dar could stand and waded the remaining distance.
"That looked painful," Tao observed with a grin, green-brown eyes sparkling.
"It was, thank you," Dar agreed, unable to stop an echoing smile.
"Don't blame me because you lost your balance," Tao pointed out.
"I lost my balance because you were waving at me like a monkey," Dar mocked gently, eyes gleaming almost golden with intensity.
"I resent that. I was waving at least like a gorilla or an orangutan," Tao protested.
"Too much energy for a gorilla," Dar murmured before grabbing the back of Tao's neck and pulling him into a hard embrace, covering Tao's soft mouth with his own. Tao's mouth opened with a moan, inviting Dar deeper and he thrilled to do so, plunging his tongue in and tasting his lover for the first time in too long.
His hands trailed around to Tao's back, kneading muscle and flesh, enjoying Tao's faint gasp of pain, reveling in every noise and every touch that he'd been without for six long days. Dar pulled back to find Tao's eyes closed and he smiled, kissing Tao's nose. "Welcome back, Tao."
Tao's eyes opened and he smiled as well. "I should go away more often if this is my return."
"Don't ever go away again," Dar said, half-command, half-plead.
Tao raised his arms to encircle Dar's neck and pull him close again promising, "Not again."
This time the kiss was gentle and longing, promising on the love between them. Tao could feel Dar's hard heat through his loincloth; Dar of course wasn't wearing his, thankfully, because it took too long to undo most times. He ran his hands over the muscled planes of Dar's back even as Dar massaged his chest before roaming down to grip the cloth.
Tao gasped when Dar ripped the material from his body then groaned when their shafts touched. Dar ground into him and Tao almost lost control right then. Six days without this was six days too long. What had he been thinking?
"Stop thinking, Tao, just feel me," Dar murmured into his ear before licking and sucking the outer lobe.
The heat in Dar's voice melted through the rest of Tao's thoughts and he gave himself over to the incredible sensations Dar was creating. There was a stinging bite to his throat as Dar's mouth traveled down from his ear. Needing Dar's taste again, Tao pulled him up and latched onto his mouth, slipping his tongue inside to dance with Dar's.
Tao was so enthralled in their kiss that he didn't really notice Dar walking them away from the water, towards the camp. Not until Dar put his hands on Tao's shoulders and gently pushed him down. Tao's knees quivered at the predatory look in Dar's eyes and he pretty much fell the remaining distance onto his back. Dar was quick to take advantage, lying on top of him and rubbing hard onto him.
Head falling back, eyes closing against the rush of feeling, Tao moaned with need as Dar's hand encircled his cock and pulled at his hardened shaft. He felt too sensitive, he could feel the light brushing of hair on Dar's legs scratching against his legs. The damp heat of Dar's skin over every inch of his own. Dar's hands moving restlessly, almost feverishly around Tao's shaft.
Tao shouted, almost jumping out of his skin, when Dar mouth started sucking and licking Tao's shaft. His blood pounded and all thought fled as his hips slammed up, into Dar's mouth. "Dar.I can't.it's coming," he gasped in warning. Dar seemed to redouble his efforts and a few seconds after, Tao shouted his lover's name, releasing into the hot, wetness of Dar's mouth.
Tao felt the hot liquid from Dar shoot onto his thigh as Dar came a moment later, groaning his release into the air while licking Tao clean. Dar collapsed onto Tao, his head resting on Tao's abdomen, arms circling up around Tao's waist. Tao felt tiny kisses pressed into his stomach and just above his groin and sighed in deep contentment. He felt.utterly boneless and complete. "Gods, Dar, I've never felt anything like that before."
Dar looked up at him and smiled. "I know. I want to share everything with you but I know we need to go slow because this is all new to you."
Lifting his head slightly Tao ordered gently, "Come here."
Dar obliged by moving up and stretching out at Tao's side, leaning on his elbow so he could easily see Tao's eyes. "Yes, Tao?"
Tao felt the openness in his friend's eyes and a surge of emotion closed his throat against the words he wanted to say. The spirit's words returned to him, "Love and be true." and he found his voice. "I love you, Dar. I want to give you whatever you need. I trust you. I know that you would never hurt me."
A surge of heat went through Dar at those words. They were so simple and yet he saw that Tao meant every one of them. He moved forward and pulled Tao into his arms, rolling them so Tao was on top, sprawled over him, dark head tucked under Dar's chin. The solid weight of his mate was reassuring to him and he didn't ever want to move. "Tao?"
"Yes Dar?"
"I'm glad you came back."
"I always will, Dar, I always will."
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