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by
When we last left our Intrepid Duo, Anya had cursed Spike with a sticky-gooey love spell and she hit Xander with one designed to put a "bun in his oven", so to speak... ::evil wicked grin:: That accomplished, she left them lying unconscious on the bed, naked... Let us all pause a moment to envision the Pale One and his human Sex-Toy all sticky and sweaty from wild circus-sex.... Ahhhh! That's better. Now... on with the show... ~
"...and after Spike fell over like a stiff board onto his face, Anya turned to *me* and gave me this *nasty* grin and I *swear* my spine tried to leave the apartment without me and so I asked her what she was going to do and then..."
Xander sucked in a deep breath and let it out in a hysterical giggle, his hands wringing themselves as he paced at a frantic rate of speed back and forth across the floor of the Magic Box.
"...she said that Spike was now my *husband*! Can you believe that! No wedding! No "I do's!" No diamond ring! Just one pissed off Vengeance Demon with a grudge and *bam!* I'm married to the Bleached Wonder! I mean... I don't know what I mean, but *anyway*, that's when she decided that I needed a *family* to go with my brand new husband and I guess she figured that since I'm a *bottom* that I'd make a great mommy or some shit like that and... and... and..."
His eyes suspiciously bright, Xander collapsed into a chair, his expression a mixture of the onset of depression and barely staved off panic.
"...I don't *want* to be pregnant!"
At the end of Xander's diatribe, sudden deafening silence filled the shop for half a second and then the deathly quiet was broken by the sound of a delicate teacup shattering against the hardwood floor. Xander looked up at the noise to find all eyes on him.
Giles had dropped his tea. Shards of fine porcelain lay scattered about his feet and his pant legs were wet and stained. A look of horrified shock was etched onto his normally calm features.
Buffy looked angry. No... more than angry. She looked upset, hurt, betrayed. She was also focusing her attention more towards Spike.
Willow was staring at him with a weird mixture of sorrow and wonderment. It was if she didn't know whether to cry for him or smile and get all bouncy and excited.
Tara just seemed slightly embarrassed and completely fascinated.
Spike... well, Spike was still staring at Xander with the same expression that had graced his face since they had awoken in Xander's bed an hour and a half ago. One of utter devotion and love. Deep blue eyes sparkled and a soft smile lifted the corners of his lips making him seem so young and innocent.
"Um... guys? Someone please say something. Anything. You're, uh... freaking me out here, and I can honestly say that I've reached my daily limit of freaky shit already, so..."
Buffy was the first to recover.
"You *slept* with *Spike*?! I mean, you had *sex* with... with... with... *him*?!"
Xander nodded sadly. Spike nodded happily... and tried to snuggle closer to the depressed human. With a resigned sigh, Xander let him. Buffy stepped around the large wooden table and gestured to the leather duster wearing vampire that was practically sitting on Xander's lap.
"But... but... but... he's a *guy*! You don't *like* guys!"
Xander could feel his panic lessening as he sat in the relative safety of the Magic Box and his "husband's" arms. Unfortunately, as his panic decreased, his embarrassment over the situation grew proportionally.
"Um... yeah. About that... see, I actually *do* like guys. Sorta. Just, you know... um, not all the time."
At that, Spike pulled back. His blue blue eyes swam with unshed tears and his bottom lip quivered appealingly. At the moment, he looked all too human and very very young and vulnerable. Xander's heart squeezed at the sight.
"Wha... don't you *love* me? Aren't I *enough*? I *love* you Xan! I *do*! I can *prove* it to you, just... give me another chance!"
Part of Xander wanted to melt into a little ball of sugary goo at Spike's display of clinging insecurity, especially since he knew it was genuine. Anya's curse *made* him feel this way and Spike couldn't control himself. Part of him also wanted to roll his eyes in annoyance and tell Spike to get over it. However, Xander also realized that he suddenly had the power to hurt Spike more than anyone else ever did, with the possible exception of Dru. And he, Xander Harris, just couldn't bring himself to be *that* cold and unfeeling.
With a sigh, Xander reassured the love-struck vampire that was valiantly trying not to cry in his lap. Reaching his arm around Spike, he began to rub little circles against his lover's back and pulled the blonde a little closer so that he could whisper into his ear.
"Shhh... Spike. No. It's *not* like that. You don't understand. I've had a few relationships with guys, but I've also always had a *girlfriend* at the same time. I... I... I never did the whole monogamous relationship thing with a guy before. This is just... different for me. And then there's the whole 'Anya cursed Xander with a pregnancy thing' to think about too."
"Oh."
Spike's voice was soft, barely even there. Xander could tell that he wasn't convinced, but also that he wasn't going to argue the point. Buffy, however, didn't feel that restraint.
"And *you*! Spike! I *thought* you were in love with *me*?"
Spike turned to face the Slayer and snarled. In a complete transformation from the gentle way he was treating Xander, Spike growled at the blonde girl and shot her a look of disdain.
"Had your chance to be with me, didn't you? Too late now Slayer. Got me a new love. Better than you, isn't he? Sexier, too."
A look of surprise flashed across Buffy's face, swiftly followed by anger. On reflex, she reached behind her and yanked her stake out of concealment under her shirt. Spike flinched back at the sight of it and Xander gathered him closer onto his lap, protectively wrapping his arms around his lover, one arm strategically placed over his unbeating heart.
"Um, guys. *Not* the point here. We need to figure out just *what* Anya did to me. I mean, I'm not exactly plumbed for what she suggested, ya know?"
At that point, Giles and Willow seemed to break out of their paralysis. Giles, true to form, wandered over to his bookcase and began to rifle through the dusty leather bound volumes, muttering under his breath. Willow, on the other hand, tried to be helpful without showing *too* much excitement. It didn't work. She was practically vibrating.
"Oh, oh! Um, this is cool, um... well, not cool cool, but you know, neat cool. As in, something new and different and... well, cool. So..."
Xander felt a small grin tug at his lips and a little sliver of hope enter his heart. At least Willow was on his side. She'd be there to support him and help him and listen to him if he needed to talk. That was something that Xander had been afraid he'd loose over this whole debacle.
"We should probably try and figure out *if* she could actually, you know, um... make you pregnant. Once we know *that*, then we will know what steps we can take. To, you know, make preparations. For the baby. Or not."
Xander felt a little tendril of fear again. He hadn't considered *that* aspect of it. He had focused on the idea of being *pregnant*, but he hadn't considered that fact that pregnancy resulted in *babies*! Panic was beginning to sound good again.
"Um... Wills? Uh... not to sound stupid or anything, but *how* do we find out if Anya's curse worked or not?"
Willow gave him a grinning version of her "duh" face. The familiarity of that beloved expression, one he had been looking upon since he himself was a young child, lulled him into a false sense of security.
"Why, we'll give you a *pregnancy test*, of course!"
Panic set in at full force at that little pronouncement. Xander could feel himself begin to tremble violently and Spike shifted in his arms to look at him with a concerned expression on his handsomely chiseled face.
Then, Giles walked over with a thin and battered looking book held open in his hands.
"Of course, that won't tell us if the child is human."
Xander's panic welled up to insupportable levels until his brain simply overloaded. Darkness rushed in to fill his vision and as if from a far off distance, he heard his lover's voice speak scathingly at the Watcher.
"Bloody Hell! Look what you've gone and done. You made my Nummy pass out!"
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