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by
Angel felt things with Buffy had finally come to some sort of closure. Love? Maybe memories of it. But no desire, no lust. And complete robot that he was, Riley seemed to love her, perhaps she needed to lead the dance. Partnership of equals is all very well if you don't have "saving the world" on your job description. Angel understood that. And she was still young. So impossibly young. Youth brought him full circle to the person he missed seeing. Xander. Even as he was walking away from Buffy he had wondered about Xander. Seemingly happy with Anya, and Angel had a certain fondness for Anya. She reminded him of his own... No. Better not go there.
Angel knew that Anya would not be going anywhere. So he called up Xander and said he wanted to talk about Buffy before he left for L.A. It wasn't exactly a lie. Except if your soul weighs you down at every little sign its owner was being anything but a selfless penitant.
A cafeteria by the road. Outskirts of town. Too much light. Angel fiddled with a spoon and tried to avoid any thoughts of how similar to blood really black coffee can seem. Xander arrived. Silver crucifix too conspicuous. Facial muscles not unlike Riley's. Angel still didn't feel this was a mistake. He just felt hurt.
"Dead-boy? What's up with Buffy? I thought you'd left long ago. The Initiative's gone, why are you still hanging around? Jealous?"
"Sit down. I wanted to talk about us. I figured you wouldn't meet me for that in a million years."
Taken aback Xander felt his pulse start to race. Pleasantly.
"You figured right. What can you possibly have to tell me?"
"Too much to tell you. Must grab your attention first."
Angel stood up leaned over the table and kissed Xander. He didn't force his entry. The young man freely let him in. Angel's tongue probed around, withdrew. Lips only. Xander returned the kiss. Deeper. Oblivious to the few customers they parted and sat down.
"Wow!"
"Do you have any idea how much I wanted to do that? How many times I thought of this moment and... Tell me you feel something. I know you do..."
"This is crazy, I mean. Crazy covers it! I'm straight!"
"And in love with Anya?"
"I... Yes! Yes..."
Angel looked hurt. That went down well with Buffy. OK, with most women. But Xander was afraid to fall into that pain and want to make it better.
"Maybe I was mistaken. I'm going to my car. Please come with me."
"Or else what?"
"Or else goodbye Xander."
No threats. No tactics. He loved him and was walking away? No love there. Lust.
Xander followed Angel to his car.
"Do you love me Angel?"
"Shoot to kill, is it? I can play that game. Yes. More than I thought I did before we kissed. What do you feel about me?"
"Something... I. I never really hated you, you know that."
"Playful banter. Looking out for your friends. For Buffy. I understood that, always."
"But didn't care enough to stop making me go on acting like a fool!"
"You never acted like a fool. You don't have a clue to how noble you are, do you?"
Another silence. Xander kissed Angel again. On his cheek, trying to stem the sudden flow of tears. Icy, saltless, tasteless - yet so... good, it felt so good.
"You know Anya is about to leave? We never said it, but we both know it's gone, whatever spark there was."
"So you're unattached?"
"And you?"
"Buffy is a closed chapter. Beautiful chapter in some places, but so tightly shut now..."
"You're still a guy and a vampire with a soul and undead, of course."
"As long as I help you get over that..."
"Nobody's perfect, right?"
"Hate that movie!"
"Me, too. Absolutely!"
Another kiss and this time Xander's erection brushed against Angel's thigh.
"Thought you might want to take it slow..."
"Well... It would be nice for a guy's first time. Will you? Take me slow?"
"I love you, I won't hurt you. I have no right to "take" you."
"Maybe you need to be held first. Taken first. Not your first time, I mean, with a guy?"
"It's your first time that counts. Maybe you're right."
"So you're mine to do as I please? Mine to give pleasure to? Just like that?"
"You put things rightly lover. What next?"
"Drive on!"
"Back to your place? You don't believe that..."
"Back to your city. Our city."
"What about Angelus? He might hurt you. He will hurt you..."
"Will he make me a vampire?"
"He will try."
"Good."
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LA Night
And the vampire Angelus fed on the young man Xander. And he tied him up and taunted him and fucked him.
LA Morning
"Forgive..."
"I wanted it."
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