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by
There is a difference between being nude and being naked.
This is something I have been turning over in my mind for a long, long time. Nudity, nakedness. Two words, with meanings that are so very alike, yet they are so different. For instance, you can be nude without being naked. And, the converse of that statement, you can be naked without being nude. Or, you can be both at once.
Nudity. Nudity is being without clothing. Being completely without any scrap of cloth on your body. Having your skin open to the night, or the day, or whatever. Nothing between you and nature. Just bare skin.
Nakedness, however, is completely different. To be naked is to be without any barriers between your mind and the mind of someone else. Nakedness is that moment when your walls come down, your inhibitions are gone, and suddenly you hurt so much and at the same time you feel so very incredible inside . . . it's like being born all over again.
I am with him now, and I am both nude and naked. We are lying in bed together, arms and legs tangled together. It is morning. Last night was . . . incredible. A gift. We were ONE, him and I. We fell asleep like this afterwards, spent and exhausted, skin to skin, and we slept the entire night.
And now it is morning. I am nude, obviously, exposed in his bed. We are equal in this respect.
But he is asleep and I am awake, and here we are not equal. For as I lay awake looking at him, I have become naked. Naked, in every respect. I have just realized that I love him. For the first time in my life, I love someone. And while that feeling has set me free, it has also torn down all the walls protecting me, all the walls between me and him. This feels wonderful. It is also terrifying.
And so I lay here, nude, naked, and I look at him and there's only one though running through my head: *Stuart, I love you*. Over and over again until it feels like my head is going to explode, but it's okay because it's good, it's all good. I've learned how to love. They said it was impossible, but Stuart's always had the talent for making the impossible happen. Getting the rewrite in time, getting the funding, whatever. Now he has performed another Glazer Miracle. He has taught Peter Dragon how to love.
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